Have You Seen This Woman ?

Who is this peeking around the corner? Oh! It's Kimberly! She has been working so hard lately, it's amazing to me that we spend as much time together as we do. That just proves how diligent she has been at managing her time well. She has been very dedicated to making a smooth transition to her new position. She is learning a lot, but also brings a lot of knowledge to the table to share with others. She has also continued to work hard in school. She currently has A's in all of her classes, and seems to be getting a lot out of them. Then there's the volunteer things she has somehow kept up with, the party planning, the endless haircuts, keeping in touch with people , keeping me sane . . . I am just amazed at her ability to take on so much at once and not only manage it all well, but to continue to love everything she does. I feel so blessed that she loves me so much and somehow has kept our relationship the number one priority above all these other things. She is definitely a role model for me when it comes to time management and how to work hard while maintaining a positive attitude. We are wired so differently, I would be lost without her! I am so blessed to be married to Kimberly!

HOME

I am about to go to my parents' house for a couple hours. I haven't really lived there for about six years now, but it still feels like home. I love just being there and seeing my family. It's such a peaceful environment. One of my favorite things to do there is to take walks and snap some random photos, like this one, and the white pumpkin a couple posts down. But tonight there will be no time for pictures ;o( I am going to soak up the peaceful environment while trying to get some homework done while Dad changes my oil. It wouldn't hurt to sneak away from my STATS book for just one little walk though, would it?

Heroes

Heroes. My newest addiction. I have watched it before, but was never able to really watch it in sequence or on a consistent basis. Last Christmas, my mom bought it for me. Kimberly and I started watching it a couple weeks ago and we are both hooked.

It's actually pretty funny, because Kimberly was NOT excited to watch it, but now she gets angry each time an episode ends, the TO BE CONTINUED across the scene. She is always dying to know what happens next.

The story is just fun and inspiring. It entertains while making you think about doing something outside the norm. It's complicated, but in a good way. The abilities of the heroes might seem unrealistic, but the actual characters seem so much like real people. Teenagers, politicians, struggling families, black-sheeps. It's also interesting how they tie in themes of evolution and God at the same time. The show has always reminded me of the X-men characters, who I've been a huge fan of as long as I can remember, so I was excited to see Stan Lee had done a short cameo in the 19th episode of the first season. We quickly approach the end of the first season, so we bought the second season on sale at Wal-Mart. One the positive aspects of not having cable or satellite is that we don't feel guilty for buying DVD's!!! I can't wait to see what happens next!

John 3:20-21

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

Monday Approaches

11:40pm. Soon, it will be Monday. Monday. I am going to a meeting tomorrow called a staffing. Staffings are when several important people sit around and discuss individual children's progress and what we can do to improve their treatment. We will be discussing seven out of my eleven kids tomorrow. These meetings usually bum me out. The doctors of psychology, diagnostic testers, and other important people always come to the same conclusion: THESE KIDS ARE HOPELESS. I know this. It's not new news to me. But there is something disturbing about hearing it out of other people's mouths. The other people tell me their entire day is ruined after an hour of spending time talking about my cases. I just want to tell them they should try doing NOTHING but work with these cases EVERYDAY and for a third of their current pay. THEN they could complain. But alas, professionalism and whatnot. But what gets me the most about all of this, the meetings, the complaints, this population I serve, is the fact I KNOW they are hopeless. These children are so scarred and wounded and NO treatment will take that away. The sickness I see and hear is getting to me, but I could deal with all that if I felt like I was making a difference. But I'm not. These children just need to know Christ. Period. That's what they need and I cannot provide it for them in this environment. They are hopeless on their own, just as we all are. Anyhow, just some late night venting before I go to sleep . . . Sorry I'm such a downer!

What to Do, What to Do . . .

I think I might hang out with these guys for a while. If you are not a comic book geek or a video game buff, this happens to be a mixed matched group of different Marvel Comics superheroes. I have more homework to do, but get burned out super quickly, so I think I am going to alternate between SOC 382 and saving the world, playing Marvel Alliance on the Wii. I also have two different songs trying to formulate in the back of mind, making me feel just a bit psychitzo, so I might try to develop those a little today, too. Best of all, I am going to eat Crunch Berries and watch Thundercats to get the day started.

HO!!!!

I am so excited that I am sick to my stomach!!! I don't know why I feel this way, but it's a good feeling . . . or at least a positive one, like right before doing something great. So YAY! Maybe this is what mania feels like . . . Or maybe something great is about to happen . . .

Better

Today was better at work. Prayers were answered, some relief given. Tomorrow appears as though it will be okay, too. I am also making headway in my STATS class . . . I think. -V- helped me TONS before she moved to her new fantastic job and apartment, and she even left some work behind to help guide me. Everything else left in the book, Nate Canady is going to help me with tomorrow evening. All that's left after that is some computer work and three tests. I think I will be able to muddle my way through the computer stuff because it doesn't seem overly mathematical, just learning how to manipulate a program appropriately. The tests however, are hopeless, and I say that as positively as possible. I can barely get through a single problem, even with someone going through it with me step by step. Fortunately, the tests are accessed online from any connection, so there is no limitation to the amount of "help" I receive. So here I am, counting my blessings and hoping that if I focus on them enough, I will fall asleep without a knot in my stomach tonight! And to top everything, tomorrow is FRIDAY!!! Thank You, Lord!!!

Me, Right Now

I am feeling a little crazy right now. Work has been really stressing me out. Almost each night for the past few weeks I've gone to bed with my stomach in knots out of anxiety for the next day. Just the general environment and exposure to such sickness has seemed to be an invitation for depression and anxiety in my own life. On top of this, I have recently had an issue with a client who is literally obsessed with me and it is making me uncomfortable. I feel a desperate need to share the love of Christ with real people who are hurting, and to help them experience the presence of God in a way that makes them want to know Him more. I cannot do this here. I'm just not sure where to go to do this. I am going to begin praying for God to guide me to where He wants me to be, and to help withstand current obstacles. I am very thankful for the support system God has given me. My wonderful wife, a mother who is always just a phone call away, and an amazing growth group who is never afraid to ask, "How was your day?" and get an honest answer. This is important, because the honest answer is not going to be a pleasant one. At first I felt I should just shrug things off and make jokes about my current struggle. But that would not be the truth. This is just me, right now. I know God is going to use this for His glory, somehow. So I'm just praising Him that I have a job, am able to work, and that He is using me. Me, right now.

Do It Again

The light is dimming as I wander from Your path
I don’t know where I’m going but I know right where I’m at
I’ve been down this road before, traveling in the dark
But then you lit the way for me that led right where You are

And I lived in Your light
I shared in Your life
The blood of Jesus Christ Made me clean

Do it again. Here I am.
Bowing down. I lift up my hands.
Do it again. I repent.
Father God. Hosanna! Amen.
Do it again.

The truth is with me when I live my life for You
Lovingly You guide me when I allow You to
God I’ve been unfaithful, my eyes have turned from Your face
Now here I am all lost again, Lord, I need Your grace

To live in Your light
To share in Your life
By the blood of Jesus Christ make me clean

Do it again. Here I am.
Bowing down. I lift up my hands.
Do it again. I repent.
Father God. Hosanna! Amen.
Do it again.

I will live in Your light
I will share in Your life
The blood of Jesus Christ makes me clean

I will live in Your light
I will share in Your life
The blood of Jesus Christ makes me clean

Do it again. Here I am.
Bowing down. I lift up my hands.
Do it again. I repent.
Father God. Hosanna! Amen.
Do it again. Here I am.
Bowing down. I lift up my hands.
Do it again. I repent.
Father God. Hosanna! Amen.
Do it again.

Good Times With -V-

City of Our Savior

We are the city of our Savior We are servants of the King We are builders of His nation We are in eternity

I Wish I Took This Picture!!!

Blur

The past few days, no . . . scratch that, the past week has been a complete blur! It started off with a three day week at work, packed full of lots of court dates, which means lots of meetings with placing agents and crying parents. The short work week also involved trying to gets lots ready so I wouldn't return from a long weekend overwhelmed with too much stuff to have to get caught up with. Then off to INNOVATE, which was fantastic! We returned Friday night and volunteered at Habitat for Humanity with a couple cool peeps on Saturday, then went to Farmland so Kimberly could cut hair and we had dinner with even more cool peeps. Sunday was worship practice (thanks Nate and Brent!) then church, which was an AWESOME message. My parents then took me out to eat while Kimberly did more haircuts, then we did middle & high school youth groups before jamming out at the wonderful worship service. Today was a continuation of the blur, with a long distance court run for a complicated case, which included a self-disclosure from a kid that will probably make me sick for the next week. Most everything from this week that has kept me busy has been great things, but man, I'm tired! Tonight Kimberly and I had a nice relaxing evening together running some errands, shopping for a Halloween party for the youth, and now we are about to watch a movie. So the blur is beginning to dissipate and resemble my life again. Whew!

Super-pumped for Tomorrow!

This One's for You, PK!

We're Back!!!

INNOVATE '08 was fantastic! In fact, it was so awesome I CAN'T SLEEP because I am so OVERWHELMED with INSPIRATION!!! I'm totally not complaining either! What better reason do I have to go without sleep than doing something creative for God !?!?

We're Here!

Kimberly and I woke up around 3:30am this morning to arrive at the church at 4:30am to leave for Granger for Innovate 2008 with PK and Brian. So far, it has been an amazing experience. The speakers have been very motivational and the creativity has been inspiring. I can't wait until tomorrow! The Granger team is very effective at creating many forms of media for it's congregation to consume. Some of it is heart-touching, informational, inspiring, motivating, and even hilarious. Here is a clip from youtube of a perfect example of their more comical creative projects:

Help Please!

Kimberly has been working to arrange a Muncie Habitat for Humanity house build for a group of people from our church. Unfortunately, there have been many schedule conflicts and only a few people are available to go. At least ten people are needed, so we might be seriously looking at canceling, which is a shame.

Here is some information if anyone is interested in participating. Skill level isn't an issue. You must use the link below to sign up. If you choose to sign up, please leave a comment on this post to let me know so we can have an estimate of how many people we might have.

Thanks!

Build Day Information

2300 S. Monroe, Muncie IN

Schedule * 9:00 a.m. Build day begins with opening comments, instructions and devotion. * Mid-morning Break * 12:00 noon Lunch * 3:00 p.m. Approximate build end time. Hospitality * Water, breakfast and lunch have been generously donated for each day by Habitat Families and various sponsors. There is no need to bring anything with you unless you have special dietary needs or would like to bring a water bottle (with your name on it) to help us be environmentally friendly. Attire and Guidelines * Closed toe shoes must be worn on the worksite, no sandals or Crocs. * Children under 16 years of age are not permitted on an active worksite. Volunteers ages 16 or 17 must have a minor consent form signed by a parent prior to arriving at the site, this is available from the Habitat office. * The build will take place rain or shine so dress appropriately. * Don't wear loose clothing or jewelry that can get tangled in power tools. * Please be sure to collect all personal belongings at the end of the day. How to Sign-up to Volunteer 1. Log on to www.munciehabitat.org

2. Click on photo labeled 'volunteer'. This will take you to our volunteer webpage. 3. Next, click on the 'VolunteerUp' logo.

Just Beautiful

It was wonderful to see Jackson again.

Hopefully it won't be quite so long until next time!

More pictures to come!

Bittersweet Visit

I am getting ready to go see Jackson. He is about to turn two years old. Seeing him will be difficult. He is our friend's baby. A very close friend. She was murdered, something that seems to have happened a thousand years ago, yet just yesterday. For a few hopeful weeks we thought that Jackson would be ours, as our dear friend had wanted if something were to happen to her. But it just didn't work out that way. Not getting him is like a mourning process that I'm still experiencing. I'm very nervous about seeing him. I don't want to feel all those things afterwards. Wanting him again. Remembering how much I love him. Thinking about how his mother should be here with him. But I miss him. It will be bittersweet to see him. I wonder how much he has grown.

Hey Everybody!!!

Make sure you stop by here and welcome fellow FFC'er Donna Jones to blogging!!!

I Don't Wanna!!!

This is me, having a hardcore tantrum. Last week, a staff made a mistake clocking in at work. They needed the money they earned, but it wasn't on their check. So I begged and pleaded with payroll to pay him the missing hours soon, instead of waiting until next payday. In this process, I looked like a fool who didn't know how to approve my staff's clock-in's and out's, even though that wasn't the issue. So, I got what I wanted, my staff got his well earned money. But there I was, looking dumb. So the payroll lady stopped by today to "show" me how to do something I know how to do just fine. The whole time I just thought, "I don't wanna!" Shortly after she left, I got a call from a judge. A JUDGE. Apparently I mispleased him. A mistake was made, a bad choice, but there were LOTS of other people involved. All I could do was say "yes, sir" and own full responsibility. Again, the whole time thinking, "I don't wanna!" Now I'm on a break, dreading an upcoming meeting, trying to convince a grandmother to get rid of her animals because her grandson has sex with them. Yep, you guessed it, "I don't wanna!" I've already had this talk with her. She doesn't get it. She doesn't care. And what's really frustrating is, I didn't schedule this meeting. But I'll have to facilitate it anyway. "I don't wanna!" I checked out the verse of the day for some form of comfort, which was Phillipians 4:4, which tells me to rejoice ALWAYS . Ouch! I'm going to be real honest here, I don't wanna. But I'm gonna try.

Is It Friday Yet ???

In Response to my Previous Post

So, after my long depressing rant from my last post, I read biblegateways verse of the day, which is Titus 2:2.

Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.

So the answer to my question, whether or not to believe if this kid is sincere about wanting to rehabilitate, is this: IT DOES NOT MATTER. My role in this isn't to predict his future, just to teach him. He isn't an "older man", but is one of the older kids in my program, and looked up to many, and he will be older one day. All I can do, all I need to be concerned with, is teaching him how to be a respectable, self-controlled person, encouraging his faith and endurance to not engage in harmful behavior. How he responds to these teachings is not my responsibility. Only his.

To Believe, or Not to Believe . . .

Today, one of my clients managed to bypass all firewalls on a school laptop in order to download pornography from a wireless connection. The content of what he downloaded is not only inappropriate because it is sexually graphic, but because of what it does to this young man.

It always starts out with an overwhelming amount of emotion. Too much stress. Too much pain. He looks at a little porn, just to escape the world for a few minutes. To feel a false sense of peace.

The pain awaits him when he returns to the real world. All the stress, all the emotion await him as well. He continues to return to the pornography for a peace that wanes over time. Before long, the peace it offers no longer exists.

The pornography no longer serves it's purpose. What else will take him away from this world? Maybe touching himself. Or someone else. Maybe exposing himself. These behaviors begin to manifest in a form that would appear relatively normal, until the peace these things provide, like the pornography, slowly vanish. Then these behaviors intensify.

Then what?

What is left? Where else will he turn for this false sense of control and happiness?

Here he is again. Feeling a void, a pain. Inappropriate notes. Pornography. What's next???

Historically, this pattern has resulted in an offense for this young man. Hurting others.

I want to believe the cycle is ending. At times he seems so sincere about ending all this. Other times, he seems to feel nothing for anyone.

He has been talking to me about his faith, how he wants be rid of his addictions and cycles and offenses, so he can be closer to God, be a better person. Stop hurting himself, his family, victims, Christ.

And here he is again, going through the same pattern. The same cycle. I reported the pornography to his mother, who has supported, loved, and prayed ceaselessly for her son.

She didn't have to say it. Here heart was broken. She is also aware of the pattern. The warning signs. And now, along with myself, I think she's asking herself, believe or not believe???

Does he care? Really? Does he wants this to stop? Really? Are his words of remorse sincere? Are his payers sincere? Will he hurt someone else? When will this stop?

These are questions I ask just as someone who cares. As someone who has prayed for this kid, with this kid. Empathized with him. I hope I never have to feel what this mother is feeling. To wander these things from a parent's perspective. I couldn't imagine. My mom has always told me I should begin praying for my kids before I have them. She's right.

CONGRATULATIONS, KIMMY !!! Way to Move up in the Ranks !!!

Who Knew

Who knew rollerskating was so strenuous!?!?! My calves are killing me!!!

Hey, Baby!

Overall, my weekend was pretty awesome. As I posted here, Friday night we had a good time at the Canady's and we got to play with baby Isaiah. On Saturday we slept in a bit, and later visited with the Blacks for a while. Baby Braylon is adorable and Audrey is going to be a great big sister! I got to take lots of pictures of Braylon, which was fun, but haven't got to upload them yet to really see how they turned out. After visiting with the Blacks, I picked up my nephew and went to the Vickery's so Kimberly and Jaimie could do baby shower stuff. They took off to Wal-Mart to shop and my nephew played Rock Band while I played with baby Kaden. What is our small group trying to do to us!?!? We can't go anywhere without some cute little baby being around! Man!!! Anyway, my nephew spent the night with us and went to church the next morning with Kimberly so I could take some kids from work. Wow! What an emotional experience that was!!! After service, I took the kids back to Muncie and met Kimberly at Dawn's house in Farmland. And yes, there again was a cute baby, Sammy. (I'm telling, babies are taking over the world!!!) We took my nephew to eat and then went to Kimberly's aunt and uncle's house, where there was, not quite a baby, but a toddler, Jordan. Every time he sees me he begs to jump on the trampoline, which is a blast, except when directly after eating out. Then we headed back to the church to take kids to a skating party. It was so much fun. I can't really skate, but I tried and didn't fall once!!! Our friend Audra was there and she tried to teach me, but I don't think I'm a good student. It was a lot of fun to hang out with all the kids and the leaders. Kimberly and I got back home and were able to just relax together and talk. It's great for us to have these moments after a busy week. It's funny how you can see someone everyday but still miss them like crazy. There is no better way to wrap up the week than some laid-back time at home with Kimberly. But seriously, what's up with these babies!?!? ;o)

Congrats, -V-, on your totally awesome, fantastic, amazing job!!!

Friday Evening

A while back, I posted some lyrics to a song I was working on here, called Break Me. Nate Canady and I got together Friday night to work on it and it went very well. Brent Smith stopped by for a while and helped out, too. It was a really cool experience to work with them on the song, but even more fun just hanging out with them. It even turned out to be a pretty spiritual thing for me. It was probably one of the best evenings I've had in a long time.

Here is just a small clip of what we're working on.

Angels On The Moon

A Day of Praises at Work!

Today at work, one of my residents told me he felt like his progress was declining. He began a long rant about how nothing seems to be going right and that he doubts he is able to meet the expectations that have been provided for him. As he continued to pour out all this negativity, I thought back to when I first met him. I remembered that he proudly toted his bible everywhere, often prayed, and openly shared his faith with others. This is when he was excelling in all areas. I remember thinking how miraculous it was that God delivered him from such darkness, a darkness he was quickly retreating back to. Before I even realized what I was doing, I interrupted his rant and said, "You know, I haven't seen your bible in a while." I panicked as soon as I said it. Talking to residents about faith is a big NO-NO unless they specifically request to speak about it first. A staff was in the room as well. I was comforted by his response as he gave me an encouraging nod and smile, knowing exactly what I was feeling at that moment. But the deal breaker was going to be the resident's response. He sat silently, expression flat. "Well, yeah. I haven't and I don't think I should. I don't follow it like I should," he said defensively. After a few awkward moments of silence, he choked up a little, dropped his head down and said, "I don't know why I walk away. He helps me. God helps me every time I let him . Sometimes I just . . . don't let him anymore. I don't know why." I immediately was filled with relief that the comment I made was received well and seemed to have a positive effect. It was a good moment for the both of us. This young man's eyes were opened to a pattern in his relationship with God, an inconsistency that directly correlated with his ability to overcome personal struggles and temptation. I believe he will learn from this. I was also greatly blessed by this moment. It is a true testimony for me to see someone so young who has endured such unbelievable things rely on God and recognize Christ as the savior. It was also a fantastic feeling to encourage this teen to turn to God in his time of need, as this is not something I get to do or say as often as I'd like. I had another great moment today as well. Another resident said he felt he needed to disclose more about his past behavior. He told me he has been attending a Wednesday church service with one of my staff, and that Jesus is helping him take responsibility for what he has done. He then disclosed that a behavior he has previously insisted he only committed once in his lifetime was actually a behavior he engaged in every night for almost four months. I was so proud of him for this disclosure and it was apparent that God had given him the strength to do this! What A Day of Praises at Work! Today's Biblegateway verse of the day is Matthew 28:18-20, which I love. Matthew 28:18-20 Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

A Book of Evil

Enough said.

Circus Peanuts

Today I started out the day in a fantastic way. With circus peanuts, of course! I love how sickeningly sweet they are. You know it's good when you feel like throwing-up afterwards! I offered one to my co-worker, a counselor from Japan. She was very excited to eat one, saying she had not had any since her childhood in Japan. She explained that in Japan, they were shaped like bananas instead of peanuts, and were pink instead of orange. Later, I decided to do a little research here on these tasty bites of goodness, and found that they are indeed supposed to be banana flavored, which is interesting because although they have been made in a variety of shapes and colors, the orange peanut is most common. A banana flavored, orange peanut??? Anyway, it was interesting to learn more about them until I discovered the main ingrediant is a gelatin mainly consisting of pork skins. YUCK!!! Blocking it out . . . Moving on . . . I have often noted while eating circus peanuts that they smell a lot like aerosol paint when I first open the bag. I attempted to find an answer, but alas, no answer could be found! Any ideas?

A What Did What?

A skunk sprayed the air conditioning unit of the cottage I manage. Yes. You read correctly. A skunk sprayed the air conditioning unit of the cottage I manage. All day long the delightful aroma of skunk was blasted through all the air vents, one of which happens to be right next to my desk in my office. How pleasant. I couldn't help but laugh. It was quite comical. But stinky.

If Only . . .

If only the battery in the smoke detector next door wasn't beeping every five minutes to indicate it was dying. If only I couldn't hear every creek of the bathroom door, and every breath of every person and pet in this apartment each time the rumble of the air conditioner kicks off. If only my cat would stop laying on my feet and give me some space. If only I didn't have to take a client to court tomorrow. If only there wasn't so many twisted things to think about. If only I wasn't so excited about some positive things coming up. If only I had more homework done. If only I actually got to speak at least one word to my wife today in person. If only I was a better brother and son. If only I would have been more active today. If only If only If only I would probably still have something on my mind and be awake at 2:53 am anyway.

Visit With Mom and Dad

Today I am visiting with my parents while getting caught up with laundry. It was almost an emergency, as I am getting low on clean socks! I have learned through experience that reversing them when dirty just doesn't do the trick! In case you don't know, Kimberly and I have a washer and dryer, but no hook-ups in our current home. It was quite a sacrifice to make, but it's one of the many sacrifices we have made while trying to get to a a grip on our finances.

I made it to my parents just in time to eat some yummy tacos!!! Mom and Dad gave me the grand tour of the newly painted house, and reconstructed barn. Things are really looking nice out there!

Mom and I had a great talk today about how the mind is a battlefield, a place of spiritual warfare. Her insight is awesome and really got me thinking . . .

Dad took me around the fruit trees and picked some pears for me to eat.

I also spoke with my parents about the possibility of having a Halloween bonfire for the Youth Group, which will be awesome! Kids always love my parents and their farm!

Well, I better go switch out laundry, or I'll never get home!

Eetza Me . . . Again

Upon specific request, and in honor and recognition of my fine friend and fellow rockstar, The Cobbmyster, I am bringing back "The Mario." I know. I know. It's exciting. Please calm yourselves.

I have also deliberated, and finally committed to revealing the often sought after but never seen, "Luigi and Mario" photo!

Come to think of it . . . I've never really noticed this before, but . . .

Aren't Luigi's eye simply dazzling???

Good Morning!

Today should be a good day! So far on the agenda, we plan on stopping by Ball Hospital for another quick visit with Melissa, Aaron, Big Sister Audrey, and little baby Braylon. Then we will probably go to Winchester and see my parents for a few minutes before hanging out with the Pinkertons for some grilling out and Wii action!