hunger: satisfied

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied."

-Matthew 5:6

gonna still smile

I worked fourteen hours today. Other than being uber long, the shift wasn't too bad.
No off-the-wall craziness. No AWOLing. Nothing too terrible.
But I've not had the best of dispositions lately.

The fruit of my labor never seems quite ripened.  Granted, there are a few outstanding cases, but remember, I'm being whiny here....

Sometimes I just wonder where I'll be in ten years as a result of what I'm doing now. I've been dedicated to the field for the past decade of my life, and I've gotten a lot of satisfaction from it.

But I used to have dreams. Dreams that I can't seem to remember anymore.

This isn't the life I planned on having; spending so very little time with my wife, making so very little money, barring burdens in my heart for so many...

I never had ambitions of building a career on being a 'nice guy.'
I wanted a skill. A trade. A place. 

I wanted to be an artist, a musician, a teacher; something with a title that people could recognize and know what purpose I serve. I wanted a function; a clear contribution.

But I'm not that guy. I'm one of those 'little bit of this, little bit of that' kinda guys.
No one quite knows where I fit or what I do. At work.  In life. 

And either do I, sometimes.

And this, this here, is one of those times. Tomorrow could different. Hopefully it will be... but until then, until I'm back to good 'ol smile-and-mean-it me, well, I'm gonna still smile, I'm just not gonna mean it quite as much as I normally would.

Snapshot: 021712 1900 PST

Just finished our dinner.
Now, its movie time!

Every time we watch Finding Nemo, and we get to the part where the barracuda attacks the clown fish family, this kid looks at me and says, "That's sad," all teary-eyed.

Every time.

These moments of sweetness make up for the moments of craziness....

um... wrong

... this is wrong. Very, very wrong.

I would say, "caption please" but, it's just too wrong. So so wrong.

I'm not sure what's more wrong:

The parents who thought this would be cute? Or the photographer who agreed to take it?

Ew. Did I mention this is wrong?

foundations

This evening my mom called.
I had a nice chat with her, and with my dad.

I love them both, and I miss them.
I'm reminded on a daily basis how blessed I am to have them.

They're good people.
They truly are.
Very good people.

They've taught me quiet, patient love.
Caring and helpfulness.
Generosity.
Selflessness.

All the things I need to do what God has called me to do.

I fail. Alllllll the time.
But I have a good foundation to fall back on.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me that foundation.

MOG 021512

Maybe its the crap-ton of sugar I've consumed over the past 48hrs.
Or a touch of underlining generalized anxiety.

Or perhaps its the two joining forces to kick my butt...
Well, really, its my gut...

But anyhow, my tummy is a little topsy turvy and although sleep is still my friend, it is being a little shy right now.

There is some regression, but only tiny baby steps back, for now...
Motivation is wondering.
Positivity is waning.
But just a little.

There's still some pep left in this pup :-)

Today's Writing Prompt: Helpless

What makes you feel helpless?

There's a number of things...
When I'm unable to help someone.
When I'm unable to see fruition of something I have vision for.
Basically, when I'm just unable... which is often ;o)

Self-care = loving God

Self-care. Round two. A group of us met up at Escondido Joe's yesterday after a week of reflecting on what self-care is. We didn't come to any profound conclusions, but some significant thoughts did arise. 

Self-care = spending time with God = worship

What if you worshiped daily? How would your life change? My life? It would change tremendously.

God tells us to take his yoke, that his burden is light. But sometimes, that burden doesn't seem so light. I have to ask myself, why is this? Maybe I've deceived myself into believing it's God's yoke I'm carrying, when really its my own. There are worldly pleasures that ensue when serving God.  People notice. Some people respect me for it. It feels good to help people. It's nice making an impact. And sometimes... it just becomes a routine...

It's a terrible truth. Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking we wear God's yoke when its our own burden we carry. But when I have awareness... when I'm focused on why I serve instead of how I'm serving... the burden is light. I have to be diligent managing the mediation of my heart and mind.

The more we are in love with God, the more love we have to share with others; the more love we have for ourselves. Love. What is love? How do we love? What does it look like? How do we love others? How do we love ourselves? How do we love God?

These are some questions that came up continuously. But that's a whole new post in itself...
It didn't matter how far off topic we'd get, we always returned to one thing;  

Self-care = loving God

Snapshot: 021412 1700 PST

Just got a new, fun, funky 'do.
I like it!

In fact, I like it so much that I kissed my stylist!
Good thing she's my wife :-)

Great work, Love!

happy Valentine's day!

(er).

I had an interview for grad school today.
As far as I know, nothing is official...

But the department head did say, "Everything looks good! You're a perfect fit!"

Life is about to getting crazy busy(er).

born of God

"Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God..."
-1 John 5:1a

MOG 021212

I was jittery yesterday.

Was it the coffee?
Was it nerves?

IDK.

But it was chipper jitters.
The kids at work said I was hyper.

That's a good thing... right?