Saturday, July 30, 2011

waving gardener

We'd just stopped briefly at a transent center outside of Vista.

A couple passengers entered. One exited.

Lining the right side of the Sprinter's tracks stood a neat row of houses on top a short, steep hill. In the picketed yard of one of the houses, a man watered his garden.

As the train began to depart, the man looked up from his work and waved joyfully until he and his house and little garden disappeared into the hills.

Common sense says the smiling gardener was most likely waving to a loved one leaving home for a long day of work.

But somehow I felt that wasn't the case.

Call me crazy or overly optimistic, but my first impression was that this man simply and genuinely wanted to greet each and every passenger on that train this morning.

Maybe not.

But regardless, it made my day!
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Friday, July 29, 2011

Today's Writing Prompt: From

Where are you from? (Extra points if you answer this with something other than a simple location.)

I am from a place where summers are hot and muggy, winters are cold and snowy (except for most Christmas'), and where autumn is brilliant.

I am from a place where people sit and watch campfires almost as often, if not more, than they do the television.

I am from a place where engines from antique gas-powered washing machines become home-made ice cream makers, and where caramel corn doesn't come from a boxed package.

Turkeys are deep-friend, Easter means a bunny-shaped cake with Twizzler whiskers, and walks are around the field instead of the block.

I am from a place where each day ends with "Goodnight! I love you!"

I am blessed to be from this place.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

snapshot: 072711 1500 PST

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I'm feeling creative, but not wanting to work on any upcoming projects like a responsible person. Stupid brain with its ideas!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Today's Writing Prompt: Expectations

Do you have expectations of someone that are too high? Does someone else have expectations of you that are too high?

Oh, hell yes! I'm awful at expecting too much from most people in my life. The thing is, I tend to be surrounded by critical people. This reads pretty negative, but really I'm just referring to their attention to detail and pursuit of excellence; Type A kinda folks, basically.

And these people, by nature, are not the best at offering encouragement and communicating constructively. Its just not a big part of their skill set.

And I unfairly expect them to provide these things for me. A lot. I'm a needy person, always self doubting. After tearing myself apart, I expect my friends to build me back up. And that's simply not their job.

Do others expect too much out of me?

Well, I'm not the best at communicating where I'm at in relation to my limits until I'm teetering on the edge, so yes. But this my own fault. I'm working on it.


Sunday, July 24, 2011

from the mouth of babes 022311

"Its like you're two different people. The you we're all used to seeing, and there's the you we can only see when you sing."
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when anxiety attacks

The world around me spins a little faster.
Everything in me moves a little slower.

Like one of those dreams where you just can't seem to pick up momentum despite being chased.

And when the world and I become so unsynchronized with one another I eventually detach from the life experience altogether, becoming a mere observer. A ghost.

And the implosion begins.
Caving into myself.
Bit by bit.

Insides out. Outsides in.

But then a catalyst, whether two tiny white pills or sprawling out on the cold floor of a dark bathroom, releasing torrents of hot tears or by the grace of Jesus Christ, whatever it might be... something changes and the world slows just a bit. My mind begins to catch up a little. The air becomes breathable again.

My insides return in. My outsides return out.

I begin to orientate back to life; no longer an observer, like coming home after a long day of chaos. I pull the curtains closed, lock the door.

You can call, but I probably won't answer.

Ah, back home.
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Saturday, July 23, 2011

snapshot: 072311 1000 PST

On the Sprinter crossing over the 78, heading to work.

Kind of a relaxing way to start the day.

This may be my new Saturday routine!
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Thursday, July 21, 2011


trying to get many many many things done
trying not to disappoint anyone
trying to just let go of what people say and how they say it
trying to do my best and being pleased with it
trying to not think so much
trying to rely more on God and honoring Him
trying to grow up
trying to stay young

not so much

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Babies in 'da Hizzouse!

There are toys in the living room corner.
There's a sippy-cup in the dishwasher.
There is a Land Before Time DVD in the DVD player.

There are babies in the house.

Although, you won't hear me say this out loud anymore. Isaiah will promptly remind me that he, in fact, is no longer a baby. He's three. And its almost his birthday.

There is only one baby; 9mnth Jude.
"You're right Isaiah. Just one baby and one big boy."

Anyway, having babies... I mean, one baby and one big boy in the house has been a total blessing that my wife and I both have thoroughly enjoyed.

And Kimberly looks good holding babies.
Just sayin'...

Saturday, July 16, 2011

one true redeeming quality

We are a fallen race, far from our God, yet upon close inspection His fingerprint can still be found.

I've been catching shimmery glimpses of our Creator's character amongst the depravity of man; its a beautiful reminder of hope.

We are meant to be His and this is our one true redeeming quality; that we might surrender ourself to Him and be transformed for His glory.
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Dear Blog,

Sooooo much to write, yet sooooo little time!
We'll catch up soon though. Promise!

Monday, July 11, 2011

snapshot: 071111 2200 PST

Out The Know

I often find myself 'in the know.'

I'd like to think its because I'm such a skilled and attentive listener, and that my empathic abilities just draw people to me naturally.

And hopefully there's a touch of truth to some of that.

But in reality I know I have poor boundaries. At times, I invite the conversations. Other times, when I'd prefer to do the right thing and just mind my own business, I fail to speak up and say, 'sorry, I don't wanna hear about this,' even when I know I should.

And sometimes, to be completely honest, I DO wanna hear it; I wanna be 'in the know.'

But the thing is.... I'm not sure why.

Having special intel usually comes with responsibility, burdens, isolation, drama; these are what remains after the initial excitement wears off after hearing something juicy.

Not to mention how un-Christ-like it is. God's Word tells us over and over again the harms of gossip, and to our benefit. Even just as someone who is a 'listner' and not a 'repeater', there are nasty consequences of it.

The weight of everyone else's crap can get heavy.
So I'm working on it. God's helping.

And I'm on my way out 'the know.'
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Friday, July 8, 2011

Hell Yeah or No (I Love This!)

All In A Day's Work

Work... oh work...

I'm so thankful for my job, and I really do love it.
But, man, sometimes it just sucks.

Today Peanut needed to be restrained.
This is now a daily occurrence. 

(Not sure who or what I'm talking about? Type 'Peanut' in the search bar on the upper left corner of this blog if you're interested.)

Anyway, it wasn't just an ordinary restraint...
His mom was there.

I've never had to restrain a child in front of his mom before.

Peanut's mom is pretty supportive of us, but what parent wouldn't weep at the sight of their child needing to be captured, escorted, and secured in a protective separation room for their own safety?

Her tears broke my heart.

All in a day's work, I guess...

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Don't Re-Post. Instead? Do Something.

The story of Caylee Anthony is heartbreaking. The ending of her two-year-old life is tragic, and the injustice that her mother and highly suspected murderer currently walks free is enraging.

Its clear that somewhere along the line this child should have been taken from the home and placed somewhere she could thrive in, or at least survive in...

Yet, adoption rates in the United States are steadily decreasing in this time of economic struggle. Foster programs waiver in midst of low funding. Residential treatment programs have a difficult time staffing their facilities adequately with qualified staff willing to work in stressful conditions for little pay.

Changes need to be made. Clearly.

My hope and prayer is that the heartbreak and rage generated by Caylee's tragic death will fuel these changes; changes beyond updating our social networking statuses. My fear is that in today's society a simple status update offers a false sense of working towards a cause; but steps must be taken beyond our keyboards and smart-phones, whether we're opening our hearts, our homes, our calendars, our wallets, etc.

Don't re-post this.
Instead? Do something.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


A beautiful day, celebrating our beautiful country, in a beautiful city, with beautiful fireworks, beautiful performances, and beautiful people. A beautiful life, offered by a beautiful God.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Friday, July 1, 2011


... was one of those paranoid days. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had somehow messed everything up. The most practical thing I could think to do was to chat with my supervisor, describing to him my feelings. I didn't want to do it, and I felt kinda lame for it. And after our talk... I still feel lame for it. And I still feel paranoid.

He had nice things to say, nothing negative. And it should've helped.
But, what can I say? Guess I'm crazy.