Catching Up

Today I played catch up. But not in the “Oh, good! I got so much done today!” kind of way. It’s more of a “Oh, all this sad stuff really caught up with me today! And man, it really sucks!” kind of way. This really doesn’t happen to me too often, but when it does, it hits me hard. I’ll catch up, then be okay for a few more weeks. I guess it’s not just sad stuff though, the happy stuff makes me really emotional during these “catch up” times too. For example, I’m currently working with one kid who has had the most awful life. I mean, just really terrible. He’s been in placement for the past four years and finally, yesterday, we met with a foster family who is considering taking him in. They really were a wonderful family, practically tailored just for this kid. They even led a Christian youth group. I was just so overwhelmed by the whole situation, thinking about how terrible this kid’s whole life has been and all the abuse he has endured, mixed with thoughts and hopes that it all might be over soon and a new chapter in his life, a happier one, could be beginning very soon. Sometimes catching up means coming to terms with situations that don’t have such an obvious silver lining. Today when I got to work, I was informed of something very, very terrible that one of my clients has done in the past, but has never admitted to doing. It was one of the kids I have really placed a lot of hope into, thinking his level of risk to re-offend was very small, and that he has taken responsibility for all his actions. But this new information changes everything. I have made it a point all day to avoid this kid. He is eighteen now, but was sixteen when he committed this particular offense, old enough to know better, old enough to understand exactly what he was doing and what kind of torture he put another human being through. I am disgusted and have a strong urge to hit this kid, which I’m totally not going to do, but in my defense, he is technically an adult now. (For those of you who don’t know me personally, I would NEVER hit a client. EVER. Even though it’s tempting at times ;o) These are just a couple examples of what’s going through my mind today. So here I am. Catching up. Thinking about children living through the worst imaginable circumstances, thankfully surviving them, sometimes re-enacting them, then hopefully recovering from them. Looking for the child in the mess. Looking for who they REALLY are outside of the mess. Looking for myself in the mess. Looking for God in the mess. Catching my breath. Catching up. Thank God it’s Friday!