Tuesday, March 13, 2012

MOG 031312

Maybe mood logging isn't such a great idea. I remember, I can look back to not too long ago, and see a long chain of positive posts. That felt great. It felt great notating on a regular basis how great I was feeling. Great!

But when I'm not doing great, when I'm not feeling great, mood logging doesn't seem quite so... great. It seems lame. Negative. And whiny.


The mind melting anxiety has mostly subsided, but I've been getting these sudden pangs of worthlessness. I feel... like fading away. No purpose or function or contribution other than patting other people's back in regards to their own purpose or function or contribution.

Knowing I shouldn't feel this way makes it so much worse.
Knowing I should want to be less, knowing this is completely unchristian...

I don't want to live a life based on smiling and helping people and being kind.
But I should want to. 

I hate feeling like this. Where did my contentment go?

blah blah blah blah blah

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