Tuesday, March 20, 2012

he's back

He's back. Again. I've written about him before. I've referred to him as Peanut. Other times, I've just rambled on about a nameless kid weighing on my heart. My kid. That kid.

He's been in the hospital. Then he got out. Then he went in again. Then he got out again.

And then he left. He went home to his mother. And then, oh yes, there's another 'and then'...
And then he went back to the hospital. And now he's out. Now he's back.

He's not returning to his mother. The fact that he beat her up within the first twenty-four hours she had him in her own care proves it's just not the best option.

His illness is heartbreaking. He will never be well again. And here I am, worried about me. You see, like I said, he is my kid. He responds to me. He loves me. And I love him.

I have taken responsibility to managing the mental and emotional space he is in, even though I understand this is not my job. Unfortunately, I've developed such a sensitivity to his moods that I exhaust myself in attempt to counterbalance him. I also realize the egocentric-ism in that, and I see that its not only unhealthy for me, but for him as well.

Please pray. Pray for this kid's heart and mind. Pray he has peace. Pray he doesn't hurt himself or anyone else. Pray for his mother. And pray for me. Pray that I let go. Pray that I hold on. Pray that I do whatever it is that God wants me to.

Pray I do it well. Pray I am well while I do it. Thanks.

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