Saturday, June 1, 2013

real-time, rats, and a gangnum style remix


They're not really there.
But he doesn't know that.

So he chases them away.
Fearful they may nip at his dog.

The dog, of course, isn't really there either.
Just one more thing he doesn't know.

Yesterday. Tomorrow. Today. All blended together. One tangled mess.
Each experience of his life intertwined, from childhood trauma to last nights dinner.

All indistinguishable.
Time has no continuum.

All this after sitting catatonic and naked in the bathroom floor for nearly an hour.
Hallucinations. Detachment from reality, time, and place.
Sadly, an improvement from his earlier state.

But somewhere in there, between hearing the man in the mirror curse at him and brushing away the spiders crawling across his arms, he finds himself experiencing something.

Feelings. An urge. Maybe even a compulsion.
But something rooted in the present. A desire.

A song and dance.

The Korean neologism "Gangnam Style," sounds more like the guttural sounds made during a seizure. And the iconic "horse dance" looks more like a drunk man walking barefoot across burning coals.

But its occurring in real-time. Here and now. Even if just for a moment, he identifies a desire and fulfills it. Feeling, wanting, and doing, all in the present. Its no structured concept of time, but it is a big blaring "you are here" marker on a map somewhere.

And this is a moment I chose to honor. Stepping back. Pausing all attempts to shuttle him through the simple tasks he's struggling to complete. Allowing him to experience silly life pleasures before being overcome by the haziness again.

Thats all I know to do.

"Op op op op oppan Gangnam Style!"

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