too much of me

5 miles in 45 minutes.

Starting to feel natural.
Very peaceful.

I just zoned out.

And ran.

too much of me

Just ran 5.12 miles in 39 min 17 sec on the elliptical with NO SLEEP in over 26 hrs. Shower, then bed!

hardest thing

"The hardest thing about depression is that it is addictive. It begins to feel uncomfortable not to be depressed. You feel guilty for feeling happy." -Pete Wentz, Bassist of Fall Out Boy

if life were fair

Addiction intervention specialist Kristina Wandzilak once sat across from the mother of a heroin addict and calmly stated, "If life were fair, your daughter would be dead."

Ouch. That hurts.

But when considering the extent of abuse this girl was putting her body through, it truly is a medical marvel that she was even still alive.

Somehow, someway, an exception was made that she could survive such extreme circumstances that leave most addicts dead. There is no explanation to why or how her organs haven't shut down despite being injected with poison a dozen times a day, year after year.

Sometimes life is fair, and other times, its not. And although that may be disheartening, its often to our advantage. The truest harm of unfairness is unleashed when we try to make sense of it. The idea of what is fair and just stretches beyond our ability to comprehend. Toiling over such matters will only result in anguish.

Life. Is. Unfair.

The only console I have to offer is that our sole purpose of existence is for the glorification of God. "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Col 3:17.

Every circumstance, fair or not, presents itself as a blank canvas. The brush is in your hand. Will you paint your own despair? Or a picture His grace?

And consider, just for a moment, if life were fair... Would you be better off? Or worse?

too much of me

3 miles in 30 minutes. That's all I had in me today. But the good news is, I made it the whole way through without using my inhaler :-)

too much of me

5 miles.

Just under 41 minutes. 

Not bad.

For a fat asthmatic :-)

too much of me

I failed to go to the gym today...
but I just totalled it up...
and I've ran 18 miles this week.

Woot! Woot!

ABC's: familiar oddity

Create a story 26 sentences long and begin each sentence with the next letter of the alphabet.

Another day begins. Before I even open my eyes, I know today will be no different than yesterday. Couldn't I just go back to sleep? Daylight dances on the wall through the blinds. Even its beauty seems mundane.

Finally, something unexpected happens.

Growing brighter, the light suddenly overwhelms the room. Held in it's warmth, I'm unable to move. I can't see beyond the brightness. Joy fills me, and I'm at peace. Kinetic energy rushes all around me. Light begins to fade and the whiteness dissipates to reveal my surroundings.

My bedroom has been washed away. Nothing I know remains.

Onyx walls tower over me, the deepest black imaginable. Perched atop a silver stand, an unknown creature of dazzling white serenades me. Quietly singing, her song sounds oddly familiar.

Reality begins to sink in. Somehow, I am no longer home.

To my left, an opened archway exposes the beauty beyond the luminous yet ebony edifice I stand in. Under an expanse of the bluest skies lay a garden of emerald green. Vibrant and exotic, flowers with blooms bigger than I've ever seen stand tall and proud. Wandering through the archway and into the garden, I hear an unearthly voice call me by name. Xenodochial and warm, an indescribable face welcomes me, "We're so happy you've returned," he says.

Yes, I cannot understand it, but I've been here before. Zaribas adorned in thorns and rose buds enclose us in the garden, protected from the treachery of the outer world I somehow know I must set free.

too much of me

5 miles, 44.5 min, 492 cal.

Running with my iPod on shuffle and Matthew Thompson came on right when I had 1/4 miles left. 

Perfect cool-down soundtrack!

too much of me

5 miles. 43 minutes. Lots and lots of sweat. I didn't wanna. But I did :-)

Prompt: Buffalo Nickel

Dig through your couch cushions, your purse, or the floor of your car and look at the year printed on the first coin you find. What were you doing that year?

2004, two years after high-school graduation and feeling pretty lost. I was a sophomore at Ball State University and had already changed my major twice. At this point, I think I was studying to be a special education teacher. I lived in a state of semi-panic. I didn't have a clue what I was doing or where I was going, and I was convinced I just had to figure it all out. Clearly, I survived :-)

too much of me

dang. one of my fears.

pink just got cooler

Pink just got cooler, stopping to comfort a little girl crying in the audience right in the middle of a song at a recent show in Philadelphia.

It turns out the child was just a little shaken up by a fight nearby in the crowd. 

"Y'all are fighting around a little girl?" Pink shamed them lightheartedly, then offered the girl a stuffed frog toy and a Rice Krispy treat, telling her, "You look beautiful!" 

When's the last time you dropped what you were doing, right in the middle, to reach out to someone? God knows, there are endless opportunities to do so all around.

I'm guessing motherhood has done good things for Pink. Check it our here!

"... in humility count others more significant than yourselves." Philippians 2:3

too much of me

30 (XO, luv u 4ever)

Kimberly turned 30 today; one of those big milestone birthdays. But it's been really special for another reason, too; we were 15 when we first met, meaning that now, roughly, we've known one another half our lives. 

We've celebrated all month long, starting with just a little gift or two everyday for the past two weeks, left with small notes to her that I hand wrote on blue card-stock. Yesterday we had a great meal with our wonderful church family and today we had a small gathering with some folks Kimberly works with. 

We are truly blessed with incredible people in our lives.

I also presented Kimberly with a final note tonight, handwritten on blue card-stock like the rest of them. This time, instead of being attached to a gift, it was a note with the lyrics to a song I wrote for her, which I then sang. 

Right. In. The. Middle. Of. The. Restaurant.

Yes, there may or may not have been a jumbo margarita involved (aka liquid courage) beforehand. I popped into the restaurant about an hour early for some decorating and hid my guitar, tipping the hostess to keep an eye on it for me and to standby to turn off the radio when I was ready to sing.

I'm proud to say there weren't many dry eyes in the house! I think even some of the men may have teared up just a little had something in their eyes.

The past couple days have certainly been memorable, thanks in part to some very lovely people! Surprises, gifts, shared meals, hugs, and most importantly: lots and LOTS of LOVE!

Happy birthday, my dearest!

// XO, LUV U 4EVER // 
   video down below lyrics

August ’98, the first day back from summer break / we were fifteen, straight from a high school movie scene / You were that girl singing “Backstreet’s back, alright!” / I was that guy, trying my best to hide // Within a year we were signing letters, “XO, luv u 4ever!” / They said we were too young to make it together / but here we are now, still love you forever // Winter ’05, snow and a ring, on a carriage ride / “Will you be my wife?” / A three letter word changed my life / And you were that girl dreaming in all shades of pink / I was that guy too happy to believe // Within a year we were saying our vows / my love, my life, and my wife now / I never dreamed it could get any better / XO, still luv u 4ever // Maybe a year or two has passed / I can’t keep count, it goes so fast / There's been some bumps along the road / but they're all worth the story told // That first year, signing letters, “XO, luv u 4ever ” / They said we were too young to make it together / but here we are now / love you / Time flew by, we said our vows / my love, my life, and my wife now / I never dreamed it could get any better / XO, still luv u 4ever //

lost

LOST 
/lôst/

Adjective

1. Not knowing one's whereabouts

2. Unattainable 

I've felt a bit aimless recently. Wandering in a fog with limited vision and no direction. I have no destination in mind. Just blind steps, presumably forward. Sifting through the dirt beneath my feet, unsure of what I'm looking for and what I'll do when I find it.

I'm thinking too much, perhaps a consequence of not thinking enough. What is next? What is now? What has been? 

I'm not feeling hopeless.

Just unsure of what I'm hoping for. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3:5-6 

Adios, Mommacita!

My mom flew into San Diego from Indianapolis February 16th and boarded the plane to head home this morning around 6:10am.

We had a great visit! Hikes in the snow, warm and sunny walks along the beach, tattoos, margaritas, lots of yummy food, the safari park, an aquarium... and I'm sure I'm leaving lots of things out. We made some new memories and, of course, had a blast along the way!

Love you, Mommacita!

right path

Show me the right path, O Lord;
point out the road for me to follow.

Lead me by your truth and teach me,
for you are the God who saves me.

All day long I put my hope in you.

Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love,
which you have shown from long ages past.

-Psalms 25:4-6

Hm... weird. Not sure how to process...

Probably a stretch. Definitely some theatrics from the producers of this film.

Probably a bit of truth, too...
Maybe...

Scary as hell either way.
And a little funny...

Is that wrong?

think. say. do.

Happiness is when 
what you think, 
what you say, 
and what you do 
are in harmony.

-Mahatma Gandhi

1 + 1 = 2 X 14 + pure luck = us

It's not our wedding anniversary, but it is a special day for us. We don't really recognize Valentine's day, but every year when March 1st rolls around, we get all sappy.

This day, fourteen years ago, I asked Kimberly to be my girlfriend over the phone. It was a greenish blue cordless and the closest thing to a cell phone I had ever used.

Kimberly would have preferred being asked out in person, but being the practical girl she is, she decided that March 1st would be a more memorable date than March 2nd. Yes, 1999 was a big year for us. Our life together began, and of course we met that epic milestone of our 16th birthdays; both equally exciting. Not to mention the awkward splendor of my first real kiss...

We've almost reached the ripe old age of thirty (a post outlining my most current existential crisis to come). And at almost thirty, stress on almost, it is not uncommon for many of our peers to be divorced and even into their second marriages, so from time to time we're asked, "How are you guys still together when you got started so young?" God. Definitely God. He's the most important component in our marriage. We also have a lot of friendships with other Christian married couples. This kind of fellowship is important, but of course, that's probably an expected answer from a Christ-follower. So what else?

Well, I'm certainly no expert, but treating one another kindly is a given.

Value time with your spouse; make it count. Make your time away from one another count, too.  It takes two to make a pair. Enjoy the life and interests God gave you. She reads. I hike. We each get fulfillment from different things, and that's okay. As two individuals, we're able to come together satisfied in life. And that time we do have together? Movies. Meals. Walks on the beach. We're present, engaging in shared interests with one another.

And? I really don't have much else to say. I got lucky. Real lucky. No advice there.

fresh ink

A unique mother-daughter-in-law bonding experience.

Tattoos together.

A butterfly for mom and a sparrow for Kimberly.

Both very fitting.

Of course, I was right there with my handy dandy camera.

And now I'm pondering my next dose of ink!

48 hours

All in the span of 48 hours, I hiked through snowy mountaintops and walked along the Pacific coast in 75' F sunshine. I visited a lighthouse built in the 1800's and browsed through a four-story, opened-corridor mall. I ate authentic Mexican fajitas at a local cantina and had a delicious boxty meal at the Irish pub downtown. 

I love SoCal life.