From the mouth of babes 122711

"Can I have that? Please!?!? I want to eat that! Come on! Please!?!?!"

Ice chips falling from thawing bacon.
That's what he wanted.
That's what he begged for.

Of course, I did not oblige.

I mean, raw turkey bacon flavored ice?
Gross!

I think this picture is incredible!
Wish I would've came up with it myself.

I am definitely gonna try to recreate one day though.
Just for the heck of it!

school. And freaking out.

I've been looking into different options for going back to school.
(insert freaking out here)

I love my job. I love working the front line.
But will I always love it?

Will it always be doable?
Restraints in my fifties? Low pay forever? These hours forever?

I'm restricted in my field. There's not much more I can do unless I add to my credentials.

Ergo school.
Ergo freaking out.

I've been trying to avoid the idea. But the idea has been pursuing me.
Everywhere I turn it seems to come up.

So here I am. Looking into school. And freaking out.

mutual weirdness

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."

-Dr. Seuss

Snapshot: 122711 1700 PST

 

*Beautiful sunset, with my beautiful wife.

Snapshot: 122611 2000 PST

Game time with Kimberly and Kate.

Yahtzee Flash.
Apples to Apples Dice.
Fact or Crap.

I happened to be a Fact or Crap rockstar tonight.

Good times ;o)

Lol furrealz

"'Emmanuel! Jesus has fluffy wings like a dove!' Ugh. I'm over Christian music. I wanna hear about how badass Jesus is!"

Lol. Sadly, I agree sometimes...

MOG 122611

Almost had a minor anxiety attack.
Almost. And emphasis on minor.
The world just got a little whirly twirly for a second.

Thank God for blessing me with a great wife.

gratitude of those

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."

-Albert Schweitzer

'Tis the Season

*Christmas services, Christmas parties, Christmas meals, Christmas gatherings...
'Tis the season!

MOG 122511

Its Christmas! I'm happy, of course :-)

Tracks

Its such an ugly thing...

robbing those who love you the most,
robbing those who'd never allow the needs of another to go unmet.

Its an ugly ugly thing.

Barreling down the road of destruction, all too familiar to us all.
We've seen you make this turn.

Again. And again.

There are no excuses; just choices.
There is no one to blame; just yourself.

So go ahead, spin your tires until they're bare.
But mind the mud you fling in the process;
everyone already has enough dirt of their own.
They don't need yours.

And please, leave ruts in your own yard.
No one else should have to fall into the pits you leave behind.

We have our own tracks to make.

Glory!

An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.  This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,  "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."     -Luke 2:9-14

And so on...

Today I drove three sixteen year old kids to LA to visit their families for Christmas weekend. They were kids I don't often see, and a few years older than the kids I've mostly worked with over the past year and a half.
As if it wasn't bad enough to be driving in LA on a Friday night two days before Christmas, doing so with these kids in the van made it even worse.
Absolutely no respect for themselves or anyone else.
Completely vulgar. I mean FOUL.
And.... dumb.
Just dumb.
The way they view the world is a terrible thing. So unfortunate. Although they are still young, they're grown beyond the age of plasticity. They're rigid in their way of thinking and in their way of living.
They're committed. They will create yet another generation to take their place when they're gone. And so on. And so on...
And all we can do is pray for them.
And so on. And so on...

From the mouth of babes 122211

"That's some ghetto shit. I knock a girl up, I ain't gonna call her no baby mamma. I be marrying that bitch and call her my wife!"

- He's fifteen. It should be illegal for some people to reproduce. Some gene pools should be drained.

Grrrracias!

"Grrracias!" Get it? Grrr? Tiger?
 Okay, maybe that wasn't as clever as I thought...

But what is clever is this super awesome gift from my parents. Last year they bought us a membership to the San Diego zoo, and this year they renewed it!

A gift that keeps giving.

Kimberly and I both love animals and the zoo is a great place to spend time together.

Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Snapshot: 122211 1100 PST

Moving the Canady's from our apartment to their own. Its kinda exciting for us all. But I'm gonna miss living with that Jude baby, among other things. I love those people...

MOG 122211

- Hard to describe. Playfully irritable? Friends say I'm saucy. Saucy? MmK.
- Not so motivated towards health the past three days
- Excited about Christmas :-)

Five words.

"I don't believe in Jesus."

Seeking? Uncertain? Ambivalent?

I've lived within each of these stages of faith.

I understand them. I know them.

It all seems so natural and normal to me; part of a process.

But when I heard her say those five words...

When I heard her say, "I don't believe in Jesus," my heart dropped.

I can't quite describe how I felt in that moment, or why I felt it.

But it was a powerful feeling. A sorrowful one.

God, please help her see.

Five words.

“No one can come to me unless the father who sent me draws him…” 

-John 6:44

Snapshot: 122011 1400 PST

Nate and I went on a big hike today. And when I say big, I mean over five hours long. It was incredibly beautiful and peaceful, and lots of great conversations were had. At the highest peak of the mountain we found a black box containing journals in it for people to write in. It was really cool to read other people's thoughts and experiences on the mountain. One woman hiked the mountain because she was feeling far from God and borderline suicidal. Her last memory of feeling alive and close to her creator was at the peak of the mountain, so she returned to the spot seeking peace. Another hiker logs that he isolated himself on the mountain to get high, and wrote that he was so 'baked' he could barely hold the pen to write. Some wrote poetry. Some carefully printed scriptures. Others just signed their name. It was a great example of the wide range of people that had made it to the peak and watched over that beautiful view. Its amazing how many kinds of people there are in the world...

Snapshot: 121911 1800 PST

Branches Christmas party.
Lovely.

MOG 121911

Better ;o)

Marva

Every year the ornament goes up on the tree.
Its bittersweet.

Remembering your awful death.
Rejoicing in your awesome Life.

Celebrating Christmas with Christ Himself, there's no reason to mourn for you, but selfishly we do.

I'll never cease to be grateful that God shared you with us.

I'll never stop loving the orphaned because of what you taught me.

Merry Christmas!
We love you.

Snapshot: 121811 1800 PST

About to conquer this badboy with a kiddo from work.

This could get dangerous...

MOG 121811

-lots of drive: wanna get things done
-creative juices flowing
-feeling a little down, dejected
-grouchy/irritable
-optimistic (doesn't seem to fit, huh?)

snapshot: 121811 1300 PST

Just ate three days worth of calories at Charro's.
But DANG it was good.

over me

Sometimes I feel like no one really gives a damn about anything I have to say.
Not that I really have much to say worth giving a damn about.

But still...

I'm also feeling a bit... well, I'm not sure what the word is. I'm giving all I can ('ALL' might be a slight exaggeration :-) to support others, but its not seeming quite so reciprocated. Kinda one of those "help me help you" type things.

Guess I'm just overall feeling sorry for myself.

Gotta get over me.

Next few months

His mother works hard to support her family.
She's going to school to ensure a brighter future.
But he doesn't see any of that.
All he hears is, "Not now, honey. Mom has to study."
"Not today, dear. Mom is picking up some extra hours."
Not now. Not today. No. No. No.
And so here he is, just months before transitioning from this group home back into his mother's care, and he's completely derailing. He doesn't want to go back.
He doesn't want to return to a lonely life.
So, is this a success or a failure on our part?
He feels attended to with us; loved and heard. Important.
But he doesn't want to leave. That's a problem.
How have we prepared him for the world outside of residential treatment if he never wants to leave?
Alas, whether we've failed him or not, he's going nuts in hopes that if he acts out enough he won't have to leave.
This means a lot of yelling and being ignored over the next few months...
Prayers :-)

From the mouth of babes 121611

"You've done this! This is all your fault! My entire life is ruined because of you! You're evil! Evil!!!"

- I couldn't help but chuckle. The dramatics of it all are hysterical, especially if you were to see the kid it's all coming from.

Snapshot: 121511 1200 PST

Climbing a mountain with these guys.
Seriously.

MOG 121511

I've mentioned before about some struggles I have with depression, anxiety, and insomnia. Over the past few months I've been addressing those issues more aggressively, coming to realize how much they were effecting my life and my lovely wife.

I had been referred to a psychiatrist by my family physician for a proper diagnosis. I knew that an accurate diagnosis would most likely result in an accurate treatment, but scheduling the appointment made it seem all too real. Its easier to pretend there are no issues when the issues remain undefined. I understood that by seeking professional help, repression and denial would no longer be an option.

With some much needed support, I did manage to make the appointment though. Since that first meeting, a lot has changed. God has provided me with great resources and good care providers.

I'm now shifting into a maintenance mode: how to maintain and continue progress. One important thing to determine is whether or not the downturns in my mood and perception happen within a specific pattern, and if so, what that cycle may look like. Simply gauging this in itself is a healthy habit to have.

So I've been assigned the task of keeping a mood log, and I've decided to do it via blogging. Mood logging? Mogging? Yes, I like that! Mogging. I've decided to do it this way because it's easily tracked by using tags on my posts, its super quick and easy to do from my phone, and I'll most likely be more consistent with it if I do it here. I also like the transparency of doing it here, although that might change when my mood isn't so great :-) Regardless, here is my first Mog:

- feeling energetic, cheerful, accomplished
- slept very well last night
- only mildly irritated at work, which seems reasonable considering...
- been enjoying exercising and hiking lately, and feel motivated to eat carefully.

Snapshot: 121011 1200 PST

Sincerely,

Dear FaceBook Girl Complaining About Men,

You ask, "Why do I seem to only attract #$%&s ?" but do you really want to hear the truth? Seriously, look at the pictures you post of yourself. Review your status updates. If you're waiting on Prince Charming to pull up in his pick up truck, get some class. And dignity. If you want something better in life, become someone better in life. Become someone who deserves something better. Just some thoughts....

Dear Kids Trying to Break into My Group Home,

Don't make me lose my job, because that's exactly what will happen if you ever succeed at getting into my group home. I will not react appropriately. These kids are crazy enough and do not need your help. So destroy your own group home next door, and let your own staff deal with you. Thanks!

Dear Person Searching for a Reason,

God is full of mysteries. Getting stuck on one obstacle isn't really getting stuck. Its giving up. There's plenty of theological topics to you chew on, so take the next bite. But don't give up. But if you do give up, at least recognize that its a choice you made. Its not something the pastor said, something you read in the Bible, or something that happened at church. Its you. Giving up. We endure more for less.

Snapshot: 120611 1400 PST

Sitting on the patio of  Escondido Joe's, 

drinking my hot chai latte 

and an old man walks by and says, 

"You from Alaska? Its cold out here!"

I said, "Nope. Indiana. I'm guessing you're a native?" 

"Born and raised!" he replied with a chuckle. 

It's 60'F outside :-)

shaky

Isaiah: I'm shaky.

Me: I thought you were Isaiah.

Isaiah: But I am Isaiah.

Me: But you just said you were Shaky. So who are you, Isaiah or Shaky?

Isaiah: My name is Isaiah and I have diabetes, so my body doesn't make enough insulin and that makes feel shaky sometimes.

Me: Oh.


*This kid. He's four. And incredibly logical for his age. And adorable.

Snapshot: 120311 1400 PST

Playing guitar here while kids from work fish. Good times :-)

I heart this quote!

*thnx for sharing, -V-  ;o)

Snapshot: 120211 1800 PST

The thought of it left me disgruntled. I hate to admit it, but its true.

I mean, these kids? A Christmas tree lighting ceremony? With lots of people? And sugary sweets?

I expected a disaster. They just can't handle much stimulation. But with a few minor exceptions,  the evening was disaster free.

And the best part? We took a horse drawn carriage ride. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, but one kid in particular just smiled and laughed the whole time, shouting "I like this!" over and over again.

And that made the hassle of it all worth it.