lesson #091113

What did I learn at the crisis center today?

I learned that the real crisis begins when the cigarettes run out. 

That's when $#!% gets real.

No joke.

“The past has no power over the present moment.” – Eckhart Tolle

          *Read, repeat, and remember when necessary. 

Wisdom is: Self-Controlled

We've already established that wisdom is humble. So what will we add to the list today? I'm thinking... discipline.

A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back. (Proverbs 29:11 ESV) 

In the original Hebrew text, the word ruach was used in place of "spirit." This word incorporated several meanings, such as motives and thoughts, as well as wind. Now, the wind in a sail sets a ship in motion, like motives to a person. The wind blows as it will, and there's not a whole lot we can do about that... but we can choose to adjust our sails. With discipline, the wise man chooses whether or not to go where the wind blows.

Its not always best to do what we want or to do what feels good. A wise man not only determines the difference between these times, he uses self-control to follow through and do whats right. Simply put, a wise man is in control of his actions.

That was the complicated example. The next two are super simple:

Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. (Proverbs 17:27 ESV)

A wise man is in control of his tongue. Zip. The. Lip. Thats a lot easier for me to say than it is for me to do. (Although, it might not be easy to say at all if my lips were actually zipped...) Not all thoughts need to be shared, not every question should be asked, and some information just should not be passed along.

And last but not least...

A person’s wisdom makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. (Proverbs 19:11 NET)

Its true; believe it or not, you are in control of your emotions. Yes, even anger. You can feed the feelings or allow them to fade away. It's up to you. (Feel free to revisit the wind analogy from earlier.) I'll save the PYSCH 101 for another post, but know this: we tend to either be completely driven by emotions, or completely shut off from them. Neither one is healthy nor demonstrates self-control. God put them there for a reason, so why not start by taking them to Him?

A wise man is disciplined in his actions, his words, and with his emotions. Wisdom is self-controlled.

real-time, rats, and a gangnum style remix

Rats.

They're not really there.
But he doesn't know that.

So he chases them away.
Fearful they may nip at his dog.

The dog, of course, isn't really there either.
Just one more thing he doesn't know.

Yesterday. Tomorrow. Today. All blended together. One tangled mess.
Each experience of his life intertwined, from childhood trauma to last nights dinner.

All indistinguishable.
Time has no continuum.

All this after sitting catatonic and naked in the bathroom floor for nearly an hour.
Hallucinations. Detachment from reality, time, and place.
Sadly, an improvement from his earlier state.

But somewhere in there, between hearing the man in the mirror curse at him and brushing away the spiders crawling across his arms, he finds himself experiencing something.

Feelings. An urge. Maybe even a compulsion.
But something rooted in the present. A desire.

A song and dance.

The Korean neologism "Gangnam Style," sounds more like the guttural sounds made during a seizure. And the iconic "horse dance" looks more like a drunk man walking barefoot across burning coals.

But its occurring in real-time. Here and now. Even if just for a moment, he identifies a desire and fulfills it. Feeling, wanting, and doing, all in the present. Its no structured concept of time, but it is a big blaring "you are here" marker on a map somewhere.

And this is a moment I chose to honor. Stepping back. Pausing all attempts to shuttle him through the simple tasks he's struggling to complete. Allowing him to experience silly life pleasures before being overcome by the haziness again.

Thats all I know to do.

"Op op op op oppan Gangnam Style!"

she shall not whither

Pray for her. Pray for her. Pray for her.

Jocelyn, six years old.

Daughter of Amanda Berry, who was kidnapped and imprisoned ten years ago, hidden in a small urban home in Cleveland, Ohio with two other captives.

Jocelyn was born in this mess. This mess is all she knows. She was rescued from it, yes. But still, she has been ripped away from all she's ever known.

Its human nature to set roots, even in the most extreme circumstances. We'll do so wherever we're planted, in whatever soil we're forced to stand. Otherwise, we'd be washed away, dried out, and eventually whither to nothing. Though we may remember a better way, 'now' soon becomes 'normal,' and even when a preferable circumstance is presented, being transplanted can still be quite traumatic.

Unlike her mother and the other survivors, Jocelyn isn't coming back to anything; she's going away from the only plot of soil her little roots have ever known.

There's no doubt her life will be so much better because of it.
And I only have hopes this flower will grow and thrive.

But the process, the transplanting... it can take time.

Pray for her. Pray for her. Pray for her.

"... as a tree planted by the waters that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, her leaf shall be green; and she shall not whither in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit." Jeremiah 17:-8

snapshot: 042613 0900 PST

I spilled the cereal. All over the floor.

It was actually one of the best weekday mornings I've had at work in a while. Everyone got out of bed within a reasonable number of prompts, made their beds and tidied up their rooms, took their medications, ate their breakfast, did their chores, went to school without any acts of aggression or major displays of defiance...

Considering this motley crew in question, it was quite a fantastic morning. In fact, it was a boys'-home miracle! Again, company considered...

So when they left for school, when I started straightening up the kitchen, and when I somehow managed to carry a box of cereal upside-down to the office, when it spilled out and scattered as far as the dining room walls would allow...

It remained to be a wonderful weekday morning.

It took a moment for it to sink in; I wanted to catastrophize it, a mess that only took one minutes' worth of sweeping to clean up. I wanted to go 'all or nothing' and decide the morning had been ruined.  Then reasonableness set in...

Why cry over spilled milk cereal? It's just not worth it.
And 'all or nothing' thoughts are just a waste of effort.

concepts of self

Imagine yourself open to all experiences; having a positive attitude, not denying negative feelings, but working through them. Imagine living in the moment without prejudging or having preconceptions, fully appreciating the present as a new and exciting experience. Imagine living with confidence, trusting your gut-feelings and honoring your ability to make the right choices. Imagine how creative thinking and risk taking could change your life. Imagine yourself happy and satisfied, always looking for new challenges and experiences. Imagine yourself... as a fully functioning person. That is, self-actualized. 

Self-actualization is one of the key concepts in person-centered therapy and can be summed up as the achievement of one's full potential through creativity, independence, spontaneity, and a grasp of the real world. So how does one achieve this? According to Carl Rogers, American theorist and psychologist, the answer is congruent concepts of self.  Within Rogers' theory, a person's self-image includes how a person sees themselves and how they believe the world sees them. This is also sometimes referred to as the actual self. An ideal self is the person we want to become. Our hopes, dreams, expectations, social pressures, stereotypes, etc., all comprise the ideal-self. 

When a person's self-image and ideal self are not aligned, they are considered incongruent. A person's development, and ultimately their contentment, are halted by incongruence. The person will begin to experience what is, essentially, an existential crisis; meaning they feel uncertain of who they are and what they're doing in life. When an individual is in a state of incongruence, their self-image, ideal self, or both, must be altered before progress can be made. This concept brings to mind a quote by Mahatma Gandhi, "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

What does your self-image look like? Who is your actual-self? Who would you like to be? Is your ideal-self realistic? And is it really what you want, or just want you think you should want? When a person can evaluate these things with accurate insight, adjusting as necessary, they're likely to self-actualize, meeting their full potential. And then what? Goals change. People change. Our ideals change. All providing an opportunity to start all over again...

And I'd like to build on Roger's theory, adding another concept of self. I call it the ultimate-self; the person God created us to be. Ephesians 2:10 tells us, "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." God's Word paints a vivd picture of who He wants us to be: our ultimate self. When this becomes our ideal-self, and our self-image falls in line with it, we not only actualize, we eternalize.

a little link love

Carlos Whittaker loves God. He writes about life; all aspects of it, including the seemingly sensitive topic of mental health. 

He has a way of stimulating online conversations that need to be had somewhere.

So, here's Mr. Whittaker's take on some things near and dear to my jacked up brain.  Copy/pasted from HERE.

The first time it happened I was standing on stage at Sandals. We were in the theater at California Baptist University because the gym floors were being redone or something of the sort. I had stood in front of this family every Sunday for at least 5 years. Nothing was different. Just another Sunday.

We were singing Charlie Hall’s Salvation. It was the 2nd song of the set. All of a sudden I felt my heart skip a beat. Literally I felt it flutter.

WHAT WAS HAPPENING?

Then it happened again. Everything started spinning. My chest got tight. I remember almost blacking out. I put my guitar down and stumbled off stage. The band kept playing and Nathan ran up to me with eyes wide open. “I think I’m having a heart attack. Get a doctor please.” They stopped the service and asked if there was a doctor in the room. After 5 minutes with me he looked at me and said, and I’ll never forget it…“Carlos you aren’t having a heart attack, you’re having a panic attack”

That was the sentence that began a LONG road for me. A road littered with me not being able to leave the house for days at a time because I would start perspiring profusely and my heart would race out of control. A road where I would scream at myself in the mirror and curse God for giving me this thorn. A road where I would have to pull over driving and sit for an hour because my body would randomly go into terror mode.

That was 10 years ago. Through counseling, medicine, and everything short of traveling see the Wiz at the end of the yellow brick road, I have gotten my panic and anxiety under the illusion of control. The truth is that it pops up at the most inopportune of times. And what used to be strictly panic and anxiety has morphed into it’s ugly cousin called depression. Depression is newer for me but very similar. The idea that I can’t control my mind and my body. It’s all the same. Zero Control and the fear of it overtaking you.

Over the weekend, after seeing twitter explode with opinions and thoughts on mental illness, my own struggle came pressing her face up against my conscious again. 3 years ago I told my friend Eric, “I can see why people commit suicide. I honestly can. Not because I am near that, but this last bout of depression was the first bout where the fear of the what was coming was greater than the fear of anything else.” I’ve never been suicidal. Or at least I don’t think I have. I don’t even know what that really means. But I do know this… I have prayed for God to take this away. I have fasted for God to heal me of this. And guess what. I still have it.

Yesterday when I got to Crosspoint to lead worship I had to sit in the car for an extra 5 minutes and do breathing exercises to slow my heart rate down as it had been palpitating all morning. Was it because I was nervous about leading worship? No. Was it because I was anxious about anything that was going on in my life? No.

It. Just. Happens.

So let me dispel some common myths the church has when it comes to mental illness.

1. A person struggling with mental illness needs to have more faith.
My faith and my seretonin levels have nothing to do with each other.
2. A person struggling with mental illness should forgo medicine and pray harder.
You wouldn’t tell an asthmatic to pray harder during an asthma attack. You would tell them to suck on that inhaler. Same thing.
3. A person struggling with mental illness can’t lead in ministry.

Read the Bible. It’s filled with cray ppl like me killing it for God.
Oh. And you are crazier than you think you are.

Listen… It’s not easy. I wish God would take it away. I wish I could go more than 5 days without a day I don’t have a mild or major episode of anxiety or depression. But as of now I can’t. And the church needs to get over it and stare this dirty little secret in the face. Because when they do… It will unleash a whole army of Christians who, at the moment, feel like they don’t have enough faith to lead.

It’s better that way…Los.

hardest thing

"The hardest thing about depression is that it is addictive. It begins to feel uncomfortable not to be depressed. You feel guilty for feeling happy." -Pete Wentz, Bassist of Fall Out Boy

Psych 101: Amnestic Disorders

Amnestic disorders are characterized by memory impairment resulting from drug abuse, a side-effect of medication, or from exposure to a toxin, although cases of amnesia exist without specific etiology.

A person with an amnestic disorder always experiences levels of impairment in their ability to learn and retain new information. Some people with amnestic disorders might be unable to recall information previously learned, but this is more variant than the ability to retain new information and depends on the location and severity of brain damage.

The severity of memory disturbance impairs the person socially and/or occupationally, and marks decline in level of functions. The memory impairment should not occur exclusively during the course of delirium or dementia in order to be diagnosed as an amnestic disorder. In some cases, the person may vividly recall experiences of the distant past with no recollection of more current occurrences.

The ability to access sequential strings of information is typically not effected, such as counting and reciting the alphabet. Amnestic disorders are often associated with features such as confusion and disorientation. Confabulation, imaginative information developed to fill in the gaps of memory, is not uncommon in the initial stages of treatment, but does tend to wane with time. Because confabulation is a factor to be mindful of during the treatment process, its important to collaborate with the client's family and other informants to collect accurate data about the individual and his or her life.

Those with severe amnestic disorders often have lack of insight into their deficiencies, which can result in agitation upon confrontation. 

(DSM-IV-TR)

Snapshot: 112812 1500 PST

Rocking out the lion's feet.
Sipping green tea.

Diagnosing and treating the Little Mermaid with Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

Watching the Munsters in the background. 

Yep, I'm a nerd.

300.7 Body Dysmorphic Disorder

A) preoccupation with imagined defect in appearance. If physical anomaly is present, the person's concern is markedly excessive.

B) preoccupation causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

C) preoccupation is not better accounted for by another mental disorder.
 

Pysch 101: Major Depressive Episode

Experiencing at least five of the nine symptoms listed below for two or more consecutive weeks may be indicative of a Major Depressive Episode if the symptoms cause distress or impairment to social, occupational, and other areas of function. These symptoms must not be the direct effect of any general medical condition or of any form of substance, and cannot be better accounted for by Bereavement (up to two months following a significant loss), otherwise a diagnosis of a Major Depressive Episode cannot be made.

 - Loss of interest and pleasure in nearly all activities. 

- Described mood as depressed, sad, hopeless, discouraged, or "down in the dumps." May feel "blah," anxious, numb, etc.

- Overall decreased appetite accompanied by increased cravings for specific foods (i.e., sweets or other carbohydrates) resulting in weight gain or unintentional weight-loss.

- Sleep issues ranging from hypersomnia (oversleeping), middle insomnia (difficulty staying asleep, waking up frequently), terminal insomnia (waking up and not able to fall back to sleep at all), and initial insomnia (difficulty or inability to fall asleep altogether).

- Psychomotor agitation (restlessness, jittery) or retardation (sensation of moving in slow-motion). 

- Loss of energy. Fatigued. 

- Feelings of worthlessness and/or inappropriate, excessive guilt.

- Increased irritability, demonstrating an exaggerated sense of frustration over minor matters. Obsessive rumination. May experience panic attacks. 
 
- Memory and concentration difficulties. Indecisiveness.

- Reoccurring thoughts of death, suicidal ideations and possible attempts. Belief that others would be better off without them, etc. 

Treatment and management of a Major Depressive Episode vary greatly based on resources, care providers, and clients' preference. Research online and speak to your general medical practitioner, therapist, and/or insurance company to explore options. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts and are in immediate threat of injury or death, call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at1-800-273-8255.