On Constant Replay in My Mind

And Yet Another Friday

Today I spent my work day in Wayne County, assisting the family of the child I wrote about yesterday prepare for his return home. We spent a while creating a safety plan and just discussing potential risk factors they will have to address. I was disturbed to learn that not only was this teen being released to go home with his victim, but to live right next door to a preschool, no less. The therapist I work with and I just made the most of the day we could, doing our very best to protect the family and community from our client, and to force ourselves and each other to relax throughout the process. We even went out to a late lunch afterwards and managed to laugh some. Then after work, Kimberly and I headed out to the Canady's house for a very nice dinner and some time just hanging out. They are such kind people and it is rejuvenating to be around them. All the tension from my day quickly melted away. Now, all I can think about is just how thankful I am its Friday! To me, Friday means:

Bad to Better

The first half of my day was bad. Very bad. I can't begin to fathom how or why some things happen in life, but I guess its not for me to understand right now. Today I watched a 16 year old boy be released from my program to go home. Not good. He molested his 4 year old brother on 200 to 300 different accounts, and now he's being sent back home to him. As we left him, the teen begged me not to let this happen. "Please Mr. Nathan! Don't let them send me home! I'm not ready! It's going to happen again! I can't stop it!" He made these same pleas to the judge, but it didn't matter. The county is done paying for him to be in placement. I told the lost youngster that the only way he could avoid hurting his brother again is to completely consume himself with Christ. We had a brief conversation that I hope he took seriously. Then . . . it got better. Way better. Tonight we went with the Vickery's to see David Crowder's Band. God's presence was very strong, and I left feeling very motivated and inspired. One of my favorite songs he sang was "Can You Feel it?". Its a simple song, but is much like an anthem for me on days like today. He sings, "Life makes it so hard sometimes to know what's real." Uhh, so true. I'm so glad I had this timely reminder of what's real!!!!

Like a Child

Lately I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be a child of God. I have been looking back to a song I started to write not too long ago that says "These are Your clothes. No one would know, because I've covered them in mud." Almost everyone has, at some point as a child, attempted to wear their parents' clothes. Maybe it was a grandparent, or an older sibling. Whoever it was, most of us have wanted to be like someone we look up to so much that we've slipped on their shoes, or we've pulled on their work uniform. But somehow this usually ends up the same. Maybe its because the boots were 8 sizes too big, or maybe its because the shirt was long enough to trip over. Either way, we end up falling, not quite ready to live up to our role model. Like a child, I want to be so much more like Christ, and so I imitate him. In a sense, I am wearing His clothes. But just like the small child who cannot walk in his father's coat without tripping over it, I always end up failing, too covered in sin and worldliness afterwards for anyone to recognize that I am indeed trying to be more like my heavenly Father. As I continue to think about this whole concept of being a 'child of God' I am reminded of another piece I started to write but never finished a while back. It was called Like a Child. I took everyday things that children do and reformed them to be something I want to do as a child of God. For example:

I will play in Your light like rain. I will dance while I sing Your praise. I will jump when You call my name. I will grow more like You everyday. Like a child.

So now my mind is racing to blend these two songs together somehow. I've got an idea or two, but it might take some time. Unfortunately I get very impatient with things like this, coincidently, much like a child. All while trying to wrap my mind around this concept, that God has called us to be His children and what that exactly means for our lives.

1 John 3:1 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

Song From Memory Lane

Since I've been done with school, I've been able to start messing around with my keyboard again. I haven't really written much of anything new on it as of yet, but I've been strolling down memory lane, listening to the music I've recorded on it of songs I've written in the past. Most of the songs are from a sad and frustrating time in our life, directly following the loss of someone we love very much to murder. We were already facing some other unfavorable obstacles at the time, so the sudden death was overwhelming for us. Songwriting was such an effective coping skill for me during that time, as I wrote several songs about the untimely loss of our dear friend. Today I was playing the music to one of those songs on the keyboard and singing along. I decided to record it on my laptop to share with everyone out there in Blog Land. The lyrics are very simple, but honest. The music and melody of the lyrics were designed to provoke emotion. The sound quality is very poor, since it's only recorded using the internal mic on my computer, but I'll post the lyrics below so you can make them out. Hope you enjoy!

Marva Rhea V1: marva rhea/ what a wild name/ but those who loved her knew it fit her fine/ marva rhea/ should be here today/ but she's not and we don't know why/ REPEAT V1// V2: marva rhea/ she had baby/ when she held him she shined like the sun/ marva rhea should be here today/ its almost like her life had just begun/ REPEAT V2// she was beautiful/ she was amazing/ she was marvelous/ marva rhea/ what a wild name/ but those who loved her knew it fit her fine//V2// marva rhea/ what a wild name/ marva rhea/marva rhea