Nathan Has a Song

2012-01-28T01:10:00.000-08:00

Love Regardless

2012-01-28T00:56:00.000-08:00

*these people rock

100 Days #5

2012-01-27T23:59:00.000-08:00

Matthew 5.
I LOVE this book!

Light of the world. Salt of the Earth. Beatitudes.
LOVE it all!

Lord, make me hunger for righteousness; create in me a clean heart. Thank you for Your mercy, and I pray I am able to demonstrate Your mercy to others, so they'd know Your love for them. Make me a vessel for Your light, that I might lead others to You.

Snapshot: 012712 1700 PST

2012-01-27T17:00:00.000-08:00

Today one of the maintenance men of the facility I work at brought in his falcon, Poncho, for the kids to see. He flew laps around the field, then the kids got to feed him the still warm heart and liver of a pigeon he'd killed earlier.

It was totally awesome.
And disgusting.

Such a beautiful bird! I'm always surprised at how calm the kids become around animals. Guess God knew what He was doing when He put us all here on this rock together...

100 Days #4

2012-01-26T13:08:00.000-08:00

Day 4, Matthew 4. Read it!

"The people dwelling in darkness have seen a great light, and for those dwelling in the region and shadow of death, on them a light has dawned." Matthew 4:16

"From that time Jesus began to preach, saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.”" Matthew 4:17

"And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Immediately they left their nets and followed him. And going on from there he saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets, and he called them. Immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him." Matthew 4:19-22

Again, lots in this chapter. I have a lot are random, unconnected thoughts. Here's just a few: Jesus withstood great temptations. His first followers left everything behind to follow Him. As in chapter 3, the concept of repentance come up.

Seriously, so far...

2012-01-25T22:47:00.000-08:00

Earlier this month I wrote a post about a new year's resolution I may or may not have made.

Well, at this point, I think I can legitimately say I did, in fact, make a resolution.

Basically, as I do every year, I resolved to get more serious. In life. In general.

So far? This is definitely the most serious I've ever taken being serious.

I've applied for grad school, I've begun to live the life of a real grown-up with a schedule and routine, I've been in the bible and in prayer consistently, I'm pushing myself creatively, I'm doing more around the house, being more financially involved...

It's a good feeling. I told Kimberly I didn't realize how good these little things could make me feel; the rush of a completed 'to-do' list. The pride and satisfaction of finished projects. Actually getting out of bed and doing something before leaving for work...

I like it. Seriously.

*God is good and my wife is supportive. I'm blessed.

100 Days #3

2012-01-25T19:51:00.000-08:00

Day 3!
Matthew 3.

You read it, too!
Just click on the link.

"Bear fruit in keeping with repentance."
Matthew 3:8

“I baptize you with water for repentance, but he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire."
Matthew 3:11-12

Thoughts: There's a lot in this chapter that stands out to me: the word "repentance" is used twice, John's response to the Pharisees and Sadducees, John's ascetic lifestyle, when people went to the Jordan to be baptized they confessed their sins, I love John's response when Jesus comes to him to be baptized.. lots that stand out!

Lord, help me seek true repentance. Baptize me in your Holy Spirit.

2012-01-25T13:23:00.000-08:00

MOG 012512

2012-01-25T13:22:00.000-08:00

- been feeling good
- motivated
     - working out
     - eating healthy
     - reading bible
- excited about the prospect of going back to school
- sleeping great! had a couple 'off' nights last week, but am fine now
- enjoying creative work

100 Days #2

2012-01-24T23:59:00.000-08:00

Day 2 down!
Join me.
Read Matthew 2.

"...behold, the star that they had seen when it rose went before them until it came to rest over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. And going into the house they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshiped him." Matthew 2:9-11

My thoughts: These men, they weren't just following a star. They were following their hearts; their faith. They believed in something and chased after it. There had to be some uncertainty, but it didn't interfere with them reaching their destination. I want to be like these men, to recognize a sign when its right before me. To follow, chase, pursue.

And this star itself, it shined like a beacon, guiding the wise men to Christ. It had to rise above, to shine brightly; it had to be exceptional in order to be recognized enough to be followed.

Lord, increase in my heart the desire for You. Consume my thoughts until I cannot help but to pursue You in every waking moment. Continue Your work in me. Use me for Your will. Do exceptional things through me, that I could be like the star of Bethlehem, and drawl others close to You.

Snapshot: 012412 1300 PST

2012-01-24T13:51:00.001-08:00

Hiking at Elfin Forest. Overlooking Olivenhein Dam. Its a beautiful day.

Snapshot: 012312 2100 PST

2012-01-23T21:00:00.000-08:00

Watching Underworld: Awakening with my lovely wife.
We've been hanging out together since about 4pm.

We'll most likely spend 9 or 10 hours together consecutively today.
That happens...not often enough...

It's been nice.
Really nice.

And the movie was great.

100 Days #1

2012-01-23T09:44:00.000-08:00

Day 1 complete!
Matthew 1.

Read it! It took no time at all.
And I made it effortless for you by adding the link ;o)

My thoughts: “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel...” - Matthew 1:23

Immanuel. I love this word. "God with us." Always.
Lord, help me remember you are always with me, even when I don't feel like it, and increase my faith in You, that nothing is impossible.

2012-01-23T09:22:00.000-08:00

Too Much of Me 012312

2012-01-23T02:09:00.000-08:00

Yes, I purposely posted this picture of myself.

Why? Masochism, I guess.

In this picture I'm wearing some of the awesome pieces of clothing Kimberly got me for Christmas from LA.

The problem is, there's just too much of me!

I know, I know... I'm so 'on again, off again.'
But right now I'm 'on again.' So, whatev.

Starting now, every Monday I will subject myself to the humiliation of posting an updated picture of me wearing these same clothes until its no longer an act of humiliation.

It will take weeks, maybe months, and who knows!? Maybe even years! But if I have to squeeze all my junk into this outfit every Monday until I'm 74 years old, then that's what I'll do... in theory...

So, here's week one!

Sadly I must admit the side profile picture doesn't quite do my girth any justice. The act of forcing this shirt to button around me was basically like putting a girdle on! I'm pretty sure there's some internal bruising...

Welcome to 'Too Much of Me Mondays'!

Today I was blessed...

2012-01-22T23:59:00.000-08:00

... by the worship of these two ladies.

In unity with one another.

In community with their Creator.

Beautiful.

"Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; bring an offering and come before him! Worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness;"

-1 Chronicles 16:29

Drip Drop

2012-01-22T02:06:00.000-08:00

It's the rainy season here in SoCal.
I've gotta say, I love it.

It's peaceful. It's the sound it makes...
It's how green everything becomes...

It's that cozy feeling of staying inside, yet not feeling trapped because you know that in about an hour its gonna stop raining and be all sunny again.

And its always neat to find someone who feels the same way about winter as I do! Its a special kind of camaraderie. So SMILE ;o)

Snapshot: 012112 1800 PST

2012-01-21T17:44:00.001-08:00

Sipping on a delicious Apple Chill Slurpee while songwriting on the Mac with Nate and a kiddo from work playing Spiro on the Wii in the background. Yep, we're working hard! Lol!

the day

2012-01-21T17:38:00.001-08:00

"Today's the day I'm getting back on track!" I thought.

Until I saw that big hot stack of grilled cheese sandwiches...
And then all self-control was lost.

I must've eaten four or five.

Maybe tomorrow will be the day!
Or maybe the next day.
Or....

100 Days

2012-01-21T15:47:00.000-08:00

I need to keep motivated, and so do you! So let’s do this together! The plan is easy. All you have to do is click HERE, and its all laid out for you.

I’m going to begin Monday, January 23rd. When are you starting?

missing

2012-01-20T01:38:00.000-08:00

Screaming like a demon.

Thrashing around.
Bashing his head against the walls.

Biting his own arms until the skin bursts.

Punching himself in the face until he's spitting out blood.
Then a tooth.

It's almost perfect: a missing tooth to match a missing mother.
That is what triggered this, after all.

It's been weeks since he's seen her last. This morning she was supposed to show up.
And, of course, she didn't.

Maybe she doesn't love him? Maybe something bad happened to her? Maybe she's dead?
In reality, she probably just didn't save up enough money for the bus ride, or maybe she woke up with a hangover. But thinking rationally isn't possible for this kid...

All he knows is that he misses his mommy...
He didn't get to see her today when he thought he would...
He completely lost his mind for about ten minutes...

And now, he's missing a tooth.

2012-01-19T08:56:00.000-08:00

"Trust your struggle."

I'm not sure of the artists inspiration.
Or if I'm interpreting it as they'd hope.

But I guess that's the beauty of art.

I love this photograph.
I love the script.

I love what it says. What is says to me, at least...

one thousand five-hundred and eighty-four

2012-01-19T00:28:00.000-08:00

That's how many pageviews I've had so far this month.
1,584.
Weird.

Is it the randomness?
Must be the randomness...

Anyways, thanks for sharing life with me!

Oh, and Jesus loves you!
I should probably start writing things like 'Jesus love you' more often...

MOG 011812

2012-01-19T00:12:00.000-08:00

A little anxious. Just a little. Its somewhere between the top of my stomach and the bottom of my throat. It? Well, that buzzy tingly 'ooh, look! I'm falling!' kinda feeling. Over what? Not sure. Its lingering. Although I have had some serious, 'oh no!' moments today after talking, texting, or emailing; just freaking out that I might use the wrong words and hurt or upset people or be misunderstood. Dumb words. I have a love/hate relationship with them...

But other than that, all is well. Motivated, sleeping good, being semi-healthy (although today is an exception).

can't complain in SoCal!

2012-01-18T15:56:00.000-08:00

60*F and sunny! Gotta love it!

human experience

2012-01-18T11:22:00.000-08:00

Wreak and Recover

2012-01-17T22:57:00.001-08:00

Today I spent some time contacting several different people to request recommendation letters for graduate school. One of those people, one I who respect professionally and look up to as a doctor of psychology, emailed me in warning of the particular school I'm applying to. Her concerns were disheartening, and the fact that they came from this specific individual made it even worse.

To be honest, it wreaked me.
Completely. Its lame, I know.
But I discourage easily at times.

But after a nice hot shower, some prayer, and chat with my wife, I'm feeling better. God's been with me through this process so far, and He's not going anywhere. Sure, I have a few new questions for my admissions counselor, but I'm not gonna freak out.

God's not going anywhere.

I just need to be proactive. Not reactive.
And work through it.

Wreak and recover.

good day

2012-01-17T14:50:00.000-08:00

*La Jolla, CA

Snapshot: 011612 2200 PST

2012-01-16T23:30:00.001-08:00

Working on a new song with Nate. Its been a while since we've worked on something completely new. Feels good...

what's worse

2012-01-16T01:41:00.000-08:00

"I have three things I'd like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don't give a shit. What's worse is that you're more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night."

-Tony Campolo

from the mouth of babes 011412

2012-01-14T18:45:00.001-08:00

"I hate you! I'm gonna %@#$ you up! I'm gonna kill you and no one will find your %@#$+/? body! Just the thought of killing you brings me so much joy! Why can't I just %@#$+/? kill you!"

Oh, the warm fuzzies of childcare...

going green

2012-01-14T15:12:00.001-08:00

My new 'do, thanks to a kid getting overzealous with the puff paint. And yes, there will be consequences...

darkness has not over come it

2012-01-14T13:02:00.001-08:00

"In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

- John 1:4-5

Book of 1 John

2012-01-14T09:48:00.000-08:00

* If you haven't noticed, I kinda have a thing for light right now...

MOG 011312

2012-01-14T09:32:00.000-08:00

- feeling good about little things
- motivated
- excited for the future
- feeling good, chipper
- sleep hasn't been my friend the past 2 nights ;-(

* manic? idk. but I'm feeling good. minus the no sleep thing...

Snapshot: 011312 1400 PST

2012-01-13T13:52:00.001-08:00

I can see the ocean from my booth at Denny's.
Denny's. I can see the ocean. From Denny's.

Weird. In a good way....

* On a side note, my waitress dislikes her supervisor. Even though he's a 'rich Mexican,' he still uses Spanish when talking to the 'poor Mexican' kitchen staff.

And that just encourages 'it.' I haven't quite figured out what 'it' is exactly, but I'm guessing she's referring their... Mexicanness? Or something like that... Wow.

But the pancakes were delish and the coffee fresh.

And as mentioned, the view ain't bad either :-)

Snapshot: 011312 1200 PST

2012-01-13T13:37:00.001-08:00

I just handed in my application for school!

With any luck, I'll be passing by this beautiful fountain a couple times a week beginning in March!

Prayers I'm accepted!
Please ;o)

unemployed graduates

2012-01-12T22:04:00.000-08:00

Education and hard work: that's all you need to succeed in the real world. Or so we're taught. I've done a little Googling. It seems that at least 20% of the unemployed in the USA have an extended academic education.

I've had conversations recently with a couple of unemployed graduates. One is a lifelong friend. She's brilliant, and undoubtedly good at whatever she puts her mind to. The other is a newer friend. A very kind man, educated, experienced, and passionate.

Both are over qualified. Over qualified for the jobs they're educated for. Over qualified for the jobs they've worked hard for. And what does it even mean to be over qualified? I'm not exactly sure, but I'm guessing it means, "You cost too much to pay adequately, so instead you'll get nothing."

I get it. Everyone is struggling. Schools are struggling. Businesses. Non-profits. Ministries. Everyone. The money just isn't there to pay out.

But I've been thinking about this. I've developed a special place in my heart for the unemployed graduates. Just think, who are graduates? Most likely, people with lots of ambition and drive. People who, in one capacity or another, have succeeded. People who've become accustomed to a way of life. People who've developed a sense of belonging in society based on their careers and education. And now, for a significant portion of them, that world doesn't exist anymore...
It's been destroyed.

My heart is heavy for them. These people, they may never again see the world they once knew. But that doesn't mean they won't rediscover belonging. And that's what I pray for them the most: belonging. Belonging, where works are the fruit of faith, not a requisite for worth or value.

Snapshot: 011112 1400 PST

2012-01-11T14:14:00.001-08:00

Watching "Clifford the Big Red Dog" in good company!

Snapshot: 011112 1100 PST

2012-01-11T11:00:00.000-08:00

Hiking!

MOG 011012

2012-01-11T02:05:00.001-08:00

I feel good. Mostly.

Today I met with the admissions counselor of Argosy college and have decided to officially apply to their masters program of counseling psych and begin a long journey to becoming a licensed therapist. I feel very encouraged and supported, and am looking forward to the possibilities and new challenges. I'm as equally nervous and overwhelmed as I am excited, but the mere fact that these two extremes exist within balance of one another is healthy.... I think.

I've been feeling a little more motivated lately. I didn't get as much done as I wanted today, but I did manage to visit La Jolla after my meeting with Argosy, get my haircut and visit with my wife at work, give the bathroom a good scrub down, and run an errand at the mall.

Small steps, but a leap or two from spending a majority of my time lounging. And with my current ambitions of schooling, it seems my motivation isn't just focused on the now, but on tomorrow as well, which has always been something I struggle with.

So, yay for motivation.

Thank you, God, for your constant grace, for the great people you've put in my life, and for good pharmaceuticals!

- motivated
- encouraged
- slightly paranoid about relationships
- a little overwhelmed
- sleeping wonderfully still
- feeling inadequate yet capable to grow
- desiring to pursue God strongly
- creative

whole new direction

2012-01-10T23:08:00.000-08:00

Most rape prevention approaches are geared towards women and prospective victims.

Travel in packs. Don't go home with strangers. Don't leave your drinks unattended. Don't dress too provocatively, etc.

You've heard the drill.

But this new campaign is taking a whole new direction, with efforts towards prospective rapists instead of victims.

It's an interesting twist, encouraging men to use self-control to express their strength and power; essentially the opposite of rape.

I like this approach. I don't think they've quite hit the mark yet, but its a good start.

Teaching boys to not grow up and be rapists. What a concept.

Snapshot: 011012 1300 PST

2012-01-10T18:26:00.001-08:00

Lovin' La Jolla...

Randomness 010911

2012-01-10T01:40:00.001-08:00

- My Mac charger has gone kaput and my Mac just ran out of juice. Sad face :-( Gonna be hitting the mall tomorrow for sure!

- Visiting a school in the AM in San Diego so they can give me their salesman's pitch for their masters' program for counseling psych. I'm excited to learn more!

- Had a nice day with my wife. I've gotten so used to not really seeing each other very often that when we do finally get a day together, it makes me sad for what we're missing. Le sigh. But alas, a good day is a good day!

- Greek food is yummy.

- I miss Lori Brow.

- Me thinks I might go on a big hike the day after tomorrow! Anyone wanna join?

endure

2012-01-09T23:25:00.000-08:00

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

this song makes me peppy

2012-01-09T12:16:00.003-08:00

To Witness

2012-01-08T18:07:00.001-08:00

I believe.

I believe real men and woman saw Jesus' face, heard his voice, and felt his touch. I believe real men and woman witnessed the miracles he performed and saw Him with their very own eyes after his resurrection, heard the gospel from his very own mouth and were encouraged personally by God himself. I believe His hands held a foot to wash it, that His touch healed, and that he gave the best hugs; the kind that are warm and make you feel loved and cared for.

I believe.

Today James challenged us at the Branches to imagine what it'd be like to be a firsthand witness to Jesus' life on Earth; to see, hear, and feel.

Witnessing Him in Spirit?
Powerful.

Witnessing Him in corporal form?
Unimaginable.

To see His face. To hear His voice. To feel His touch.
To witness.

MOG 010712

2012-01-07T23:57:00.001-08:00

Blah. Blah. Blah.
I've just felt blah today.

At any moment I wasn't actually moving, I was sleeping. Irresponsibly. It was almost as if I didn't have an option.

I just felt too... blah for anything else.

But feeling blah is way better than feeling bleh, so I'm not complaining :-)

Look

2012-01-06T12:46:00.001-08:00

I'm thinking about changing up my blog look. I like this current header. Its dark and mysterious, but I'm thinking of going with something a little brighter.

We shall see...

righteousness

2012-01-05T01:12:00.001-08:00

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins."

Romans 3:23-25

Unblock me!

2012-01-05T00:56:00.001-08:00

Ruminating on some lines for a song.
Well, one line, actually.

And when it finally comes to me, the whole thing is gonna fall right together.
I just know it.

And I can't wait.

MOG 010412

2012-01-04T23:41:00.001-08:00

- Feeling good. Staying on task, mostly. Motivated.
- Somewhat paranoid. Just a little anxious that although things seem okay, maybe they're really not.
- still sleeping well!
- been feeling artsy/crafty.

Snapshot: 010312 2100 PST

2012-01-03T22:37:00.001-08:00

Looking up from the hot tub through silhouetted palm fronds to see a big white moon and a sky sprinkled with stars, while sipping champagne with my wife.

Life. Is. Good.

Resolutions? Seriously...

2012-01-03T15:58:00.001-08:00

Almost every year for a while now, I make the same New Year's resolution: GET SERIOUS.

I'm financially involved and well focused. In small spurts.
I'm dedicated to being a good husband to my wife. In small spurts.
I strive for professional development. In small spurts.
I live a healthy lifestyle. In small spurts.
I work to grow creatively. In small spurts.
I pursue God fervently. In small spurts.

I work towards a lot of things, but never for very long.
Every year I hope to get more serious about life in general.

And in retrospect, I have.
A tiny bit.

But clearly, a 'tiny bit' is not indicative of taking seriousness seriously.

So, will this be my resolution yet again?
It depends all on how serious I decide to take it...

So we'll just have to see.
Seriously.

the end? heheh!

2012-01-03T09:29:00.000-08:00

Misadventure 010212

2012-01-03T01:02:00.000-08:00

Today's little misadventure was... well, unexpected. Nate and I both picked up an extra shift today and decided to go hiking afterward.

We went to the Oak Riparian and Lake Calavera of Carlsbad, and had a good time hiking.

Right before making it back to the car, I realized I didn't have my car keys.

I suddenly remembered that when we had first made it all the way through the park and to the base of the mountain, I hiked up my britches before beginning the climb upwards (as any respectable fellow with ill-fitting pants would). I also remembered how one of my belt loops broke as I pulled up my pants.

And then I remembered that I usually clip my keys to that particular belt loop.

Yep. Leave it to me.

So there we were, thinking we'd finished up a long hike... to realize it just begun!

We hauled butt all the way through the park again until we reached the base of the mountain once more. And of course, by this time, it was dark.

Thank God for smart phones with flashlight apps!

And Thank God for the kind anonymous hiker who found my keys before me and splayed them out ever-so-obviously on a rock out in the open, making them super easy to find in the dark!

And thank God for my brave friend who would traipse through the shadow shrouded forest with me at night, which may or may not have been seething with hungry mountain lions and tweeked out gangsters...

And then we managed to get a little lost on the way home.

But that's another little misadventure in itself...

Love regardless

2012-01-02T13:09:00.001-08:00

Maybe it's God's way of humbling me.

I mean, I get pretty self-righteous sometimes. I work day after day with these kids that'd make most men beg for a vasectomy. And I do it well.

Then BAM!
That ONE kid.
For WHATEVER reason.
IRKS. MY. NERVE.

Its not always the same kid. And its not always the same pet peeve. But one way or another, some little bugger works his way under my armor, and all defenses against his unbecoming qualities diminish.

Now is one of those times. A kid has risen to the occasion, taking the role only few have ever been able to fill.

And just to look at him... just to think of him...

So here I sit..
Frustrated...
Humbled...

Praying God makes me love regardless, regardless of whether I want to or not.

MOG 010211

2012-01-02T02:48:00.001-08:00

Feeling ambitious! And for the most part my ambitions seem within the realm of reality :-)

- Thoughts racing around potential lyrics for a new(ish) song.
- Excitedly (and a little obsessively?) working on an interactive blog to coordinate with a bible reading plan. I wanna push for a Jan 10th launch, so its work work work!
- Looking into and thinking more about school...

Today I was a little irritable, but mostly because I wasn't feeling quite up to par (recuperating from laryngitis) and the kids at work were irksome.

Mostly, I'm content :-)

Been sleeping wonderfully recently. Love it!

2011: This is the Life

2012-01-01T07:58:00.000-08:00

My life, in pictures.
I'm blessed...

From the mouth of babes 122711

2011-12-29T21:03:00.001-08:00

"Can I have that? Please!?!? I want to eat that! Come on! Please!?!?!"

Ice chips falling from thawing bacon.
That's wanted he wanted.
That's what he begged for.

Of course, I did not oblige.

I mean, raw turkey bacon flavored ice?
Gross!

2011-12-29T04:09:00.000-08:00

I think this picture is incredible!
Wish I would've came up with it myself.

I am definitely gonna try to recreate one day though.
Just for the heck of it!

school. And freaking out.

2011-12-28T21:11:00.000-08:00

I've been looking into different options for going back to school.
(insert freaking out here)

I love my job. I love working the front line.
But will I always love it?

Will it always be doable?
Restraints in my fifties? Low pay forever? These hours forever?

I'm restricted in my field. There's not much more I can do unless I add to my credentials.

Ergo school.
Ergo freaking out.

I've been trying to avoid the idea. But the idea has been pursuing me.
Everywhere I turn it seems to come up.

So here I am. Looking into school. And freaking out.

mutual weirdness

2011-12-28T00:45:00.000-08:00

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."

-Dr. Seuss

Snapshot: 122711 1700 PST

2011-12-27T18:26:00.000-08:00

*Beautiful sunset, with my beautiful wife.

Snapshot: 122611 2000 PST

2011-12-27T03:02:00.000-08:00

Game time with Kimberly and Kate.

Yahtzee Flash.
Apples to Apples Dice.
Fact or Crap.

I happened to be a Fact or Crap rockstar tonight.

Good times ;o)

Lol furrealz

2011-12-26T20:33:00.001-08:00

"'Emmanuel! Jesus has fluffy wings like a dove!' Ugh. I'm over Christian music. I wanna hear about how badass Jesus is!"

Lol. Sadly, I agree sometimes...

MOG 122611

2011-12-26T20:10:00.001-08:00

Almost had a minor anxiety attack.
Almost. And emphasis on minor.
The world just got a little whirly twirly for a second.

Thank God for blessing me with a great wife.

gratitude of those

2011-12-26T18:28:00.001-08:00

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."

-Albert Schweitzer

'Tis the Season

2011-12-26T16:23:00.000-08:00

*Christmas services, Christmas parties, Christmas meals, Christmas gatherings...
'Tis the season!

MOG 122511

2011-12-25T23:18:00.001-08:00

Its Christmas! I'm happy, of course :-)

Tracks

2011-12-25T22:28:00.001-08:00

Its such an ugly thing...

robbing those who love you the most,
robbing those who'd never allow the needs of another to go unmet.

Its an ugly ugly thing.

Barreling down the road of destruction, all too familiar to us all.
We've seen you make this turn.

Again. And again.

There are no excuses; just choices.
There is no one to blame; just yourself.

So go ahead, spin your tires until they're bare.
But mind the mud you fling in the process;
everyone already has enough dirt of their own.
They don't need yours.

And please, leave ruts in your own yard.
No one else should have to fall into the pits you leave behind.

We have our own tracks to make.

Glory!

2011-12-25T08:23:00.000-08:00

An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." -Luke 2:9-14

And so on...

2011-12-23T22:06:00.001-08:00

Today I drove three sixteen year old kids to LA to visit their families for Christmas weekend. They were kids I don't often see, and a few years older than the kids I've mostly worked with over the past year and a half.
As if it wasn't bad enough to be driving in LA on a Friday night two days before Christmas, doing so with these kids in the van made it even worse.
Absolutely no respect for themselves or anyone else.
Completely vulgar. I mean FOUL.
And.... dumb.
Just dumb.
The way they view the world is a terrible thing. So unfortunate. Although they are still young, they're grown beyond the age of plasticity. They're rigid in their way of thinking and in their way of living.
They're committed. They will create yet another generation to take their place when they're gone. And so on. And so on...
And all we can do is pray for them.
And so on. And so on...

From the mouth of babes 122211

2011-12-23T18:48:00.001-08:00

"That's some ghetto shit. I knock a girl up, I ain't gonna call her no baby mamma. I be marrying that bitch and call her my wife!"

- He's fifteen. It should be illegal for some people to reproduce. Some gene pools should be drained.

Grrrracias!

2011-12-23T13:09:00.001-08:00

"Grrracias!" Get it? Grrr? Tiger?
Okay, maybe that wasn't as clever as I thought...

But what is clever is this super awesome gift from my parents. Last year they bought us a membership to the San Diego zoo, and this year they renewed it!

A gift that keeps giving.

Kimberly and I both love animals and the zoo is a great place to spend time together.

Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Snapshot: 122211 1100 PST

2011-12-23T11:09:00.001-08:00

Moving the Canady's from our apartment to their own. Its kinda exciting for us all. But I'm gonna miss living with that Jude baby, among other things. I love those people...

MOG 122211

2011-12-23T11:06:00.001-08:00

- Hard to describe. Playfully irritable? Friends say I'm saucy. Saucy? MmK.
- Not so motivated towards health the past three days
- Excited about Christmas :-)

Five words.

2011-12-21T21:34:00.000-08:00

"I don't believe in Jesus."

Seeking? Uncertain? Ambivalent?

I've lived within each of these stages of faith.

I understand them. I know them.

It all seems so natural and normal to me; part of a process.

But when I heard her say those five words...

When I heard her say, "I don't believe in Jesus," my heart dropped.

I can't quite describe how I felt in that moment, or why I felt it.

But it was a powerful feeling. A sorrowful one.

God, please help her see.

Five words.

“No one can come to me unless the father who sent me draws him…”

-John 6:44

Snapshot: 122011 1400 PST

2011-12-20T18:18:00.001-08:00

Nate and I went on a big hike today. And when I say big, I mean over five hours long. It was incredibly beautiful and peaceful, and lots of great conversations were had. At the highest peak of the mountain we found a black box containing journals in it for people to write in. It was really cool to read other people's thoughts and experiences on the mountain. One woman hiked the mountain because she was feeling far from God and borderline suicidal. Her last memory of feeling alive and close to her creator was at the peak of the mountain, so she returned to the spot seeking peace. Another hiker logs that he isolated himself on the mountain to get high, and wrote that he was so 'baked' he could barely hold the pen to write. Some wrote poetry. Some carefully printed scriptures. Others just signed their name. It was a great example of the wide range of people that had made it to the peak and watched over that beautiful view. Its amazing how many kinds of people there are in the world...

Snapshot: 121911 1800 PST

2011-12-19T18:03:00.001-08:00

Branches Christmas party.
Lovely.

MOG 121911

2011-12-19T12:49:00.001-08:00

Better ;o)

Marva

2011-12-19T12:47:00.000-08:00

Every year the ornament goes up on the tree.
Its bittersweet.

Remembering your awful death.
Rejoicing in your awesome Life.

Celebrating Christmas with Christ Himself, there's no reason to mourn for you, but selfishly we do.

I'll never cease to be grateful that God shared you with us.

I'll never stop loving the orphaned because of what you taught me.

Merry Christmas!
We love you.

Snapshot: 121811 1800 PST

2011-12-18T18:44:00.001-08:00

About to conquer this badboy with a kiddo from work.

This could get dangerous...

MOG 121811

2011-12-18T18:06:00.001-08:00

-lots of drive: wanna get things done
-creative juices flowing
-feeling a little down, dejected
-grouchy/irritable
-optimistic (doesn't seem to fit, huh?)

2011-12-18T14:35:00.000-08:00

snapshot: 121811 1300 PST

2011-12-18T13:33:00.001-08:00

Just ate three days worth of calories at Charro's.
But DANG it was good.

over me

2011-12-18T01:19:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I feel like no one really gives a damn about anything I have to say.
Not that I really have much to say worth giving a damn about.

But still...

I'm also feeling a bit... well, I'm not sure what the word is. I'm giving all I can ('ALL' might be a slight exaggeration :-) to support others, but its not seeming quite so reciprocated. Kinda one of those "help me help you" type things.

Guess I'm just overall feeling sorry for myself.

Gotta get over me.

Next few months

2011-12-17T01:40:00.001-08:00

His mother works hard to support her family.
She's going to school to ensure a brighter future.
But he doesn't see any of that.
All he hears is, "Not now, honey. Mom has to study."
"Not today, dear. Mom is picking up some extra hours."
Not now. Not today. No. No. No.
And so here he is, just months before transitioning from this group home back into his mother's care, and he's completely derailing. He doesn't want to go back.
He doesn't want to return to a lonely life.
So, is this a success or a failure on our part?
He feels attended to with us; loved and heard. Important.
But he doesn't want to leave. That's a problem.
How have we prepared him for the world outside of residential treatment if he never wants to leave?
Alas, whether we've failed him or not, he's going nuts in hopes that if he acts out enough he won't have to leave.
This means a lot of yelling and being ignored over the next few months...
Prayers :-)

From the mouth of babes 121611

2011-12-16T18:25:00.001-08:00

"You've done this! This is all your fault! My entire life is ruined because of you! You're evil! Evil!!!"

- I couldn't help but chuckle. The dramatics of it all are hysterical, especially if you were to see the kid it's all coming from.

Snapshot: 121511 1200 PST

2011-12-15T22:10:00.001-08:00

Climbing a mountain with these guys.
Seriously.

MOG 121511

2011-12-15T22:03:00.001-08:00

I've mentioned before about some struggles I have with depression, anxiety, and insomnia. Over the past few months I've been addressing those issues more aggressively, coming to realize how much they were effecting my life and my lovely wife.

I had been referred to a psychiatrist by my family physician for a proper diagnosis. I knew that an accurate diagnosis would most likely result in an accurate treatment, but scheduling the appointment made it seem all too real. Its easier to pretend there are no issues when the issues remain undefined. I understood that by seeking professional help, repression and denial would no longer be an option.

With some much needed support, I did manage to make the appointment though. Since that first meeting, a lot has changed. God has provided me with great resources and good care providers.

I'm now shifting into a maintenance mode: how to maintain and continue progress. One important thing to determine is whether or not the downturns in my mood and perception happen within a specific pattern, and if so, what that cycle may look like. Simply gauging this in itself is a healthy habit to have.

So I've been assigned the task of keeping a mood log, and I've decided to do it via blogging. Mood logging? Mogging? Yes, I like that! Mogging. I've decided to do it this way because it's easily tracked by using tags on my posts, its super quick and easy to do from my phone, and I'll most likely be more consistent with it if I do it here. I also like the transparency of doing it here, although that might change when my mood isn't so great :-) Regardless, here is my first Mog:

- feeling energetic, cheerful, accomplished
- slept very well last night
- only mildly irritated at work, which seems reasonable considering...
- been enjoying exercising and hiking lately, and feel motivated to eat carefully.

Snapshot: 121011 1200 PST

2011-12-10T12:32:00.001-08:00

Sincerely,

2011-12-10T12:14:00.001-08:00

Dear FaceBook Girl Complaining About Men,

You ask, "Why do I seem to only attract #$%&s ?" but do you really want to hear the truth? Seriously, look at the pictures you post of yourself. Review your status updates. If you're waiting on Prince Charming to pull up in his pick up truck, get some class. And dignity. If you want something better in life, become someone better in life. Become someone who deserves something better. Just some thoughts....

Dear Kids Trying to Break into My Group Home,

Don't make me lose my job, because that's exactly what will happen if you ever succeed at getting into my group home. I will not react appropriately. These kids are crazy enough and do not need your help. So destroy your own group home next door, and let your own staff deal with you. Thanks!

Dear Person Searching for a Reason,

God is full of mysteries. Getting stuck on one obstacle isn't really getting stuck. Its giving up. There's plenty of theological topics to you chew on, so take the next bite. But don't give up. But if you do give up, at least recognize that its a choice you made. Its not something the pastor said, something you read in the Bible, or something that happened at church. Its you. Giving up. We endure more for less.

Snapshot: 120611 1400 PST

2011-12-06T15:44:00.000-08:00

Sitting on the patio of Escondido Joe's,

drinking my hot chai latte

and an old man walks by and says,

"You from Alaska? Its cold out here!"

I said, "Nope. Indiana. I'm guessing you're a native?"

"Born and raised!" he replied with a chuckle.

It's 60'F outside :-)

shaky

2011-12-06T00:35:00.000-08:00

Isaiah: I'm shaky.

Me: I thought you were Isaiah.

Isaiah: But I am Isaiah.

Me: But you just said you were Shaky. So who are you, Isaiah or Shaky?

Isaiah: My name is Isaiah and I have diabetes, so my body doesn't make enough insulin and that makes feel shaky sometimes.

Me: Oh.

*This kid. He's four. And incredibly logical for his age. And adorable.

Snapshot: 120311 1400 PST

2011-12-03T14:22:00.001-08:00

Playing guitar here while kids from work fish. Good times :-)

I heart this quote!

2011-12-03T01:17:00.000-08:00

*thnx for sharing, -V- ;o)

Snapshot: 120211 1800 PST

2011-12-03T01:08:00.001-08:00

The thought of it left me disgruntled. I hate to admit it, but its true.

I mean, these kids? A Christmas tree lighting ceremony? With lots of people? And sugary sweets?

I expected a disaster. They just can't handle much stimulation. But with a few minor exceptions, the evening was disaster free.

And the best part? We took a horse drawn carriage ride. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, but one kid in particular just smiled and laughed the whole time, shouting "I like this!" over and over again.

And that made the hassle of it all worth it.

2011-11-28T01:49:00.001-08:00

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." -Romans 8:18

TGIF

2011-11-27T23:53:00.001-08:00

Its Sunday. My Friday.
Thank God!

My week in Indiana was great, but definitely go-go-go. I had one day off after my return home before going back to work. Because of Thanksgiving, there was only one kid left behind in the group home for the weekend. This made for a very laid back week at work, but also somewhat emotional. That one kid left behind, well... he felt left behind. He misses his mother, which is only amplified by the holidays, so he's been on an emotional roller coaster and us staff have been on it with him.

So now I have three days to leave behind his drama and live in my own :-)

TGIF!